Needed More Proof About Greek Subculture?

To all my loyal followers who remember my article on Greeks and the response I got from Laura "Bitter Pointer-Outer" Greekmeister, this article will further point out the truth.

You know Greek subculture is taking a big shot in the gut when they all have to attend mandatory sexual assault prevention programs. I said it before, and I'll say it again, preps, in general, don't know how to treat women right or the women don't know how to treat themselves, or their boyfriends for that matter, in a respectful manner. Sure, you see them in public, cute as can be, but, once they're in the bedroom or alone, if there is no action, BAM, the rumors start to fly about how much of a slut or he-bitch you are.

To a normal person: No Sex = Sex Later

To a prep: No Sex = Partner Guilt Trip + Gossip + Rumors + Sexual Abuse

Back to the article, over 1000 Greeks attended to listen to speeches and see acts to try and put fear into the hearts of these boys and girls (and I call them boys and girls because they haven't grown up yet if they're still going around acting like complete idiots half the time).

Now, of course, EVERYONE has the same sexual urges or needs as anyone else, so any of you preps reading this, I'm not singling goths or emo out or anyone else out. The point I am making is, "good looking" guys and girls who party a lot, have their parents pay for everything, and expect to get everything they want because they look good tend to be abusive and even cheat more often than the uglier ones (and I say this according to society's ridiculous norms of what is hot and what is not). It can still happen to anyone, no shit, but as I said before, it is really sad to see the Greek community in general have to get lessons on this like the lost little lambs they are.

Of course, the greeks who responded to this would say the most common and bull-shitting word their minds are capable of: "I think it's very interesting." Yeah, wow, sexual assault and being put in fear is really interesting to a prep who drinks and fucks sluts. Leave it to the psychologists, buddy, you just go on and finish that communications/athletic trainer/cigarette salesman degree.

To conclude, this won't change a damn thing. Well, I take that back. I admit, the main leader of each house USUALLY is repsonsible, but regardless, its just like trying to stop underage drinking. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN, EVEN IF PEOPLE ARE EDUCATED. Guys in frats will still fuck girls under alcoholic persuasion, girls will still find a guy and fuck him while also fucking their best friend or dad, and the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man is STILL gonna smoke weed and explode in a different city each time. If you're really smart and really care about the community so much, like you greeks claim you do, then stop having minors get wasted at your parties and get better degrees. Hey, I have a great idea as well! Let some fat chicks or fat guys join your houses! Oh, you can't because you're too shallow despite the fact they're really nice? Yeah, good job!

Day two of Nan Desu Kan will come up tomorrow, since I have the day off.

Nan Desu Kan: Day One

After a summer of work, delicious gormet food, and bashing emos and preps, I finally got to go on a nice 6 day vacation with April. This was not just any vacation, this was a trip to Denver's anime convention known as Nan Desu Kan.

THURSDAY

Our first stop, however, was to a town I used to live in, a town named Pueblo, Colorado (aka, Hell On Earth). Now, you're probably wondering why I would return to such a shithole after vowing never to return. Well, it just so happens I have some good friends there as well as my brother and his fiance and kid. My parents moved to Vegas, so, Tom is the only one left there.

We took off around 5 A.M. (its about a 11-12 hour drive from Tucson to Pueblo and we wanted to make sure we got there before Tom was finished with work so we could hang out) and went on the usual route. Breakfast consisted of Sausage Biscuts from McDonalds, which later resulted in diahrrea past Albuquerque. I am never again eating at a McDonalds thanks to that ridiculous shit. I emplore everyone to switch to Carl's Jr. or even Burger King. McDonalds now carries everything with bulk diahrrea added. April's driving has improved drastically (minus the part where she dozed off and I had to wake her up only to have her swirve the car left and right uncontrollably to where I had to grab the wheel and straighten her up), and she is quite the lead foot as well, which is what I need on these long trips.

After 11 1/2 hours, we finally arrived in Pueblo. We drove over to the gas station where my friend, Chris, worked. I went in and was immediately greeted by him. He told me that sadly, we couldn't see Misty (Tom's Fiance) or Millia (Tom's baby girl and yes, she is named after the chick from Guilty Gear Isuka) because Dan, Misty's dad,. had a heart attack. That was kind of a let down in both respects, but, I still got to see Tom as we took off for his office and waited for him to finish work. He came out of the building with longer hair and was completely dressed in black, good ol' Tom.

We went out to eat at Cactus Flower, the only good mexican joint in Pueblo (best salsa I have EVER had too and I know how to make it). Our conversation went as I expected: Notre Dame football, the family, Tony, things happening in Pueblo, things happening in Tucson, and our jobs. Tom got a kick out of hearing about Ginger and even Laura's response to me and my "bitterness."

After dinner, we went to Chris' house so I could look up where our hotels were for the con (I had completely forgotten). After some chat and hugs, April drove us up to Colorado Springs and a night at the Econo Lodge, a name that makes me laugh everytime I hear it....like right now, LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. I had gotten a room that looked spacious by the map, like a big suite. Alas, I was wrong, for after we unlocked the door, it was a hallway with our room located neatly near the door we just unlocked (in swinging distance) and another room down the hall. Econo indeed.

We washed up and watched some Simpsons before heading off to bed...or so we thought. The couple in the room down the hall thought it would be a great idea to keep us up all night arguing about how ugly the woman's outfits were. Yeah, what a great way to blow 2 hours in the middle of the night.

FRIDAY

We woke up around 10 A.M. giddy as school girls and got the fuck out of the Econo Lodge ASAP. I fueled up and got some cash for the con and off we went.

We got to Denver around noon and decided to scope out the con before heading over to the hotel (The tech center was booked, so we stayed at another hotel instead). Immediately, I saw the cosplayers and clutched April's hand. She told me everything was going to be alright. Upon exiting the car, we walked to the entrance of the convention center. Immediately, I saw a group of Final Fantasy female cosplayers, most of them thin. I pointed them out to April that they would be groped all weekend long and she chuckled and nodded.

You're probably wondering why I would say something so bold as that. Well, if you are a major nerd in any way, shape, or form (but you're in denial about what I am about to say), you understand nerds, or you're a flat out pervert, you know that whenever a nerd sees a thin, barely-clothed girl at a gaming/anime/pedophile con, they think that they have free dibs to touch them or put their arms around them and so on. One thing I have noticed from a lot of die hard nerd sub-cultures is that they have no shame whatsoever. Don't believe me? Go to ANY nerd webpage or nerd fetish website (for example, the loser at E3 who pretended to be in a wheelchair just to get his hands on the booth babes because he is too ugly and smelly to do so otherwise) and see for yourself. A lot of die hard nerds, the really fat guys in general, will probably NEVER get a girlfriend because of their inability to wash and to stop eating and not balance their love of anime with other hobbies, or even work.

Bringing up another point, I expected it, but was still disappointed by it. I refer to all the teenage girls who went to the con and dressed in those skimpy outfits (a lot of the Tifas did. Some were of age, others, well...). What the hell are their parents thinking (or smoking) letting their underage daughters go to a convention full of (and I speak in general) perverted nerds who will do anything to see a boob in their lives? I was totally shocked to see huge groups of girls gathering together in their outfits and being hassled by tons of guys who were twice their age! Some were even asking for pics with them and put their arms around them too (now, anyone can say its because they are fanboys, but trust me, its more than that. I guarantee that all those pics are being masturbated to by a guy living in his parent's basement). If I ever have a daughter, God forbid, and she wants to attend future cons with April and me (I'll still go since I find some enjoyment out of it), she isn't going with all her spots poking out for the sweaty jerks to touch and slobber over. When she is 18, she can do whatever the hell she wants (in general senses), but until then, you get the picture.

Off that tangent, we entered the convention center and saw them still setting up. I figured it would be a great opportunity to get a press badge for my site and to see if they would actually give me one. I went up to the counter and asked if I could get one. I was responded to by a fat, beared and unshowered 35 year old man who said that "Station isn't ready yet, sir." He said it in a tone like he felt he was important or something, which made me chuckle at him and reply "Yes, well done. Good hustle!"

With that said, we split the scene to check into the Townehouse Suites. The kick ass thing about this place was the fact that it was a lot like living at home: a queen bed, a nice living space, cable TV, high speed internet access, and a fully stocked kitchen. I was thinking about updating over the weekend, but, since I was on vacation and I needed a break, I decided to wait until I had time...which meant after my busy week at Cisco.

After watching some TV and giving April time to work on a project due in school, we went back to the tech center, me in my Corona shirt and April with her cat ears, mask, and leash on me, and we took off. Like I said, there is nothing wrong with indulging in some strange fantasies, as long as it doesn't dominate your life. I went over to Ops and actually got a press badge after I showed them my old UA CatCard. I thought it would be cool to do some freelance work for The Daily Wildcat, but I also figured I'd interview Stan, the owner of SquidWorks (article coming soon, Stan!).

I began by scoping out the con, taking pics here and there and checking out the bar (where I'd watch some Notre Dame football tomorrow). I really liked one outfit a girl was wearing near the costume contest table. I began to sing, "From everydayyyy, turnnnn, turnnn, turnnnn." to her since her back was turned. She laughed and turned around posing. To my poor dismay, some brutish Bruce Willis wanna-be came out of no where and started a condescending voice to me (much like you treat a child), asking me to say please and be polite. I laughed in his face and showed him my press badge, saying in a condescending tone as well, "I'm the press, obey me." I chuckled as well as April, but, for some reason, the poor bastard didn't find it funny. Well, staff or no staff, there's no need to interfere with someone's business if he's not doing ANY form of harm. The poor guy probably has no control over his own life, so he volunteers as a staff member to boss nerds around and feel superior. Wow, what a great future this guy has!

After that small (and very gay) debacle, I decided to check out the art room while April went to sit down and read the program. I always loved the artwork and the music videos at anime cons (minus the really crappy videos that use horrible wuss rock songs and pretentious scenes). I walked around the art room, seeing some really cool abstracts as well as some decent maid and cat girl drawings. Some of the paintings there, especially done by that japanese girl I saw , were outstanding. Then, of course, I saw some that totally made me laugh and shake my head at the same time. The Teen Titans ones were so...perverted, and yes, I say perverted. Wanna know why? THE ARTIST GAVE THE GIRLS IN IT BIG BOOBS AND EVEN FURTHER, SCENES THAT QUESTION LESBIANISM! Come on, what is so attractive about that art style, let alone, TEENAGERS??? I say this if the artist is an adult himself. Holy shit, that creeped me out so much to where I was literally considering finding that artist and beating him over the head repeatively with his own artwork. What was worse was seeing that one chick from YuGiOh kissing Yugi. Ok, not bad, except the fact she had MASSIVE TITS AND HER CLEAVAGE WAS OUT THERE FOR EVERYONE TO SEE.

You know, I'll admit, I love hentai and I love porn and so on. However, masturbating to YuGiOh or Teen Titans characters is just....incredible (and I don't mean it in a good way). Come on, look at the way the Teen Titans are drawn. What is so hot about it? As for YuGiOh, shit, those characters barely have any personality as it is. "Oh, but we can make up our own fantasy or even fanfics about it!" Yeahhhhhhhh, great, nothin like bein an adult and fucking under-developed pussy in your fanfics while you munch on funyons and drink mountain dew all day in your parent's basement (note: mountain dew and funyons rule, living in your parent's basement at 36 BADDDDDDDDDDDDD).

ANYway, after checking out the art room, I moved on to the dealer's room with April. There was a ton of good stuff there, as usual. Immediately, I got the rest of the Petshop of Horrors Manga I needed to finish (and this series blew me away at the end). I also went to check out some anime paintings and blankets done by this one guy. I gotta admit, he had a lot of talent despite his shabby appearance. Like I said before, however, a successful nerd/jerd/geek is better than a useless one (like our staff member, Bruce Willis Bizzaro). I then went to the hentai section with mall the comics, DVDs, and games and got into a conversation with Paul who was cosplaying as Squall from Final Fantasy 8. Paul is 24 and he was a really cool guy. We talked about some football and he really had some good laughs at my knocks on anime fans. He kept asking me advice on what hentai games he should get (since I used to play a ton of those when I had no life back in grade school). I also ran into a girl I met at the con last year. The poor girl got in a car accident, but she was glad to see me and also glad to hear I graduated with honors from UA (I was a senior last year). Another little stint arised which was shot down instantly by my wonderful asshole tactics. There was an emo looking girl next to me in the hentai section looking at some DVDs. She asked me if I had seen Princess 69. REGRETFULLY, I HAVE. THIS HENTAI IS THE SICKEST SHIT IN THE WORLD AND ANYONE WHO LOVES IT SHOULD BE SHOT! I told her it was disgusting and she agreed after looking at the back of it. I then laughed and asked her if she was emo. She laughed and said, and I quote: "Fuck emo." I gave her a big pat on the back and a high five for her truth. She was called over by a friend holding up a Bondage Queen Kate DVD (which also sucked because the sex was so stupid). I laughed at it and said, boy, that one was rather dumb too. Her bitch of a friend said, "Well, I didn't ask for your opinion." to which I replied: "Well, you're gonna hear my opinion whether you like it or not. I'm the truth, bitch!" Her friend ACTUALLY laughed at me for saying that. Knowing all was well, I went back to the bar.

While there, I met Joey and his wife, Tabitha (along with Jesse and his friends). They were, without a doubt, the BEST group to talk with there. I mentioned that I had Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children and Joey gave me a fantastic idea: buy CD-Rs and burn them and sell them for 5 bucks each. The light bulb in my head went on and suddenly, the con turned not only into fun and relaxation, but profit as well! I promised many that April and I would get CD-Rs and burn them for everyone.

After that, April and I got in the line for the costume contest and we spent a good...2 hours there, heh. I talked with this really cool guy named John and we talked about football, anime, and I also mentioned all the girls that were going to get groped at the con. He got a really big kick out of that. His plans for that evening were to go and get drunk awith some chicks. Now THAT is a real BACHELOR.

Having signed up for the con, April and I split and went to dinner at Dave and Buster's. I had a good meal and broke my Time Crisis II record for points. I also played the kick ass GHOST Squad game with someone else. We worked like a great team (for example, he freed hostages, I covered him).

After that fun night, April and I returned to the hotel and I began buring Advent Children and watched James Bond.

That's it for day one. Day two consists of football, pics, the costume contest, and owning in Doom 3. Stay tuned!

I'm Back

April and I made it back safe and sound. Updates will follow this week after work.

For those of you having subtitle issues, go to the FF Directshow icon near your time bar and right click. An option called hide or show subtitles should appear on the list. If that doesn't help, please, email me at grey.fox37@gmail.com with specific issues and I will help you there.

Thanks.

UPDATE AS OF 9/24/05

I'm still working on the day one article of the anime con. College Football, video games, campaign work for Kohan, and my job have took up a lot of time. I will try and get it done by tomorrow. I also have been digging up some more dirt on events. Here are some future articles:

Stan Yan and SquidWorks

Christians In Ohio Are Mentally Impaired

So, You've Won Money In Competitive Video Games, So What?

GIRLS ARE THE DEVIL...

You know those people you call friends? The ones you trust with almost anything except your life? Because of course we are all smarter, or SHOULD be smarter than to trust anyone but OURSELVES with our lives, because friends WILL screw us over. Ok, well those. All right, is it just me, or do they piss you off? Because they do to me. Look, it's not what you wear, or how you speak. Friends, especially girls, because those are the ones i'm going to focus on. all right, GIRLS ARE THE DEVIL. And that's got to tell you something, because I'm a girl myself and that just says something about us.
Girls have this thing called JEALOUSY. They WILL attack you if you are even NEAR the boy they like. It's just the rules...oh and by the way, we actually HAVE a code. So here are some tips and bits of the code for guys to read over:

• you do NOT move in on someone else's guy...you WILL get bitched at, then possibly jumped after school, or anywhere, by a good 4-5 girls who all have HEELS and NAILS to hurt you with.
  
• One of the things you have to understand, girls go to the bathrooms IN GROUPS. We just do. This way, if we're in school, or on a date, or just out in general, we can gossip. Or talk about people we don't like or do like. So guys, watch out for that.
• Oh and by the way, there is this thing called the WWW, Women's Word Web. Word travels FAST. If you do something with a girl or a guy, SOMEONE DID see you, and they WILL tell someone else. And so word spreads faster than a fire.
• If girls are double-dating, and they like one another's dates, they WILL suddenly switch seats on you. Turns out, you get the other girl. Which may NOT be the one you like. But the girl sitting next, or across from you, DOES NOT give a shit.
• Girls like to get their way, so if they don't get it, they will give you this thing called the SILENT TREATMENT that will rack your brains, and drive you insane until you have to do it anyways.
  
• When a girl asks you if they look fat, you say: HELL NO sweetie, you look as beautiful as always. This way, you are not lying to her. You did not specify if she ALWAYS looks beautiful, because for what I know, she could be as ugly as hell, so therefore, she looks as beautiful as she does everyday, which is ugly. But if she really IS beautiful, then leave as is.
  
• WHEN GIRLS SAY ONE THING, THEY MAY OR MAY NOT MEAN WHAT THEY SAY. Most girls are insecure, and have less self-control than guys. So guys will just have to tough it out and deal with our girl-ish language as it comes.
• If you act like an immature idiot, it is DEFINATELY a turn-off TRUST ME. Girls despise idiots. Unless the girls are already immature and idiots to begin with, that way maybe it's the guys who are getting turned off.
• Always pay for EVERYTHING, unless girl offers. Because if she doesn't and you MAKE her, you are SOOO much fucking trouble. She will probably think you are an asshole.
• Innocent girls will be innocent girls FOREVER unless you try something on them and they change. Which is HIGHLY unlikely. Naughty girls will ALWAYS be naughty girls, no matter what you do to try to make them NON-sexual. I'm sorry it just won't work.
• Boys, keep OFF the goods, unless told to get on. Because if you force girls to get into situations they don't want to be in, they will feel unclean for a while. And they will TOTALLY blame that on you.
• You DO NOT want to be on the other side of an argument.
• You ALWAYS comfort a crying girl, IN SOME WAY. Laughing is good...

Well, there. I'm done being one of those DEAR ABBY people, or whatever you want to freaking call them. I'm out.

Peace Bitches, ::closetoinsanity::

Nan Desu Kon 2005: The Fourth Outing

Well, tomorrow, April and I begin our great journey into Colorado to visit some family and go to the anime convention in Denver known as Nan Desu Kon. This will be my fourth trip to this convention, my first time was when I was 17 and a complete anime geek. Now, with a new view on life and some further developed talents (as well as the ability to drink once again, like last year), and bringing my woman with me, this looks to be the best trip yet. I only pray that I can stomach all of the Otaku/unshowered nerds/future occupants of parent's basements. What horrors await me? Will Notre Dame crush Michigan State? Does Arizona have the power to beat Purdue in Tucson? All these and, yes, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children WAS AWESOME, will be answered Tuesday. Until then, I hope Havoc or Insanity keep you entertained. Who knows, the high speed internet at my suite might be free (though I doubt it). GO IRISH AND WILDCATS!

Teen Males Can Now Dress Like Anorexic Skanks

While looking for the new edition of Sports Illustrated to see a great bit on how Notre Dame completely owned Michigan, I stumbled across a front liner on the Teen People magazine (one of the worst magazines in the history of magazines). I picked it up to make sure my eyes weren't having the usual hallucinations of jiggly jugs and red heads come-hithering me. No, sure enough, it was real...and the vomit began to crawl up the throat: Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are targeting their fashion for boys now.

I was thrown out of the Waldenbooks for spewing my Exorcist vomit everywhere followed by my high-pitched wailing that would rival any obnoxious child brat's own wailing. From that point, I knew that the world had sunk to a new low.

Ashley refers to it as a "tween" empire, whatever the fuck that means. She said she sees great potential in it. Of COURSE there is great potential in it. Nowadays, men with fashion senses (Metrosexuals) are the new rave of the 21st century. Not only that, but, we have to remember that 80% of all teens out there believe in what the media tells them and therefore, they must dress like pimps/skanks/inmates to get attention (but the sad thing is, it only works for popular people. Sorry, all you wannabes, no banana for you).

To further promote their tripe, Mary Kate and Ashely's entertainment group has signed on those idiotic BLOND (of course) twins Cole and Dylan Sprouse. If you have never heard of them (and thank God if you haven't), they are those little jerks who had bits in the worst sitcom of mankind, Friends, and also made an appearance in Adam Sandler's Big Daddy. Their manager refers to them as "boy boys in every sense of the term." Since when is "boy boys" a term? That sounds like lingo for "homosexuals in the family" or "X-popping, glow stick sucking ravers." Their managers, on the other hand, refers to it being a typical boy: loves to rollar blade, surf, play video games, and love animals. Hmmmmmm, last time I checked, loving animals was more of a chick thing. Sounds kind of gay for a guy to love animals, but then again, I love cats, but not some PETA jerk at the same time. I'm just not "with it" as well, with all this modern bullshit ruining our youth.

Mary Kate and Ashley intend on spreading their clothes line in 2006, so we have less than a year to prepare for the impending doom of our teen and young males becoming less than a man when they get older. To make matters worse, Wal-Mart (which actually has decent men's apparel that isn't covered in Abercrombie and Fitch faggot crap), is planning on promoting it. Looks like its back to shopping online for clothes for me, damnit.

Finally, Ashley claims that her "life is now starting and she feels like a businessperson." HA HA HA HA HA! Keep dreaming, future playboy playmate, you made it into this world with your "cute" and diarhea-inducing show called Full House and now you are whoring your anorexia and skank super powers out to boys by selling your looks alone. Leave the business stuff to legitimate people like me, who actually earned a living through hard work, blood, sweat, and tears, not east money, skankyness, and millions of perverted men awaiting your 18th birthdays.

I hate teen fashion. When I was 14, I was suckered into it with those Jnco Jeans, since everyone wore them and I wanted a pair too. My mom got me a crappy pair for chirstmas (but in High School, I got better pairs, then got over it and in college, went to wearing low cut shorts and dockers). After those days, I looked back and realized what an idiot I was, but, at the same time, liked baggy jeans, just not the kind that promotes you to look like a complete moron. Abercrombie and Fitch, Old Navy, and Hot Topic (on the male side), have to be the WORST fashions in existance to date. Here's a little secret: wearing vans, khakis, and a polo shirt isn't dressing like a nerd, its dressing to look good so you don't get fired from your fucking job or get people staring at you wherever you go and thanking the heavens themselves you're not their kid.

Paragraph Movie Review Hyper Googily Hour!

I promised some movie reviews after I was finished being "bitter" about all sorts of things (since Laura said so), so, let us enter the fantasmical realm of the movie reviews, OOOoooOOOoOOOOooo

Transporter 2

Jason Statham takes the role of ex-Special Forces/Bad Ass Driver Frank Martin once again. This time, instead of a BMW 735, he drives an Audi (wish it was a 350Z, but oh well). Frank's job is less than spectacular (at first), as he is hired by a senator to pick up his boy after school everyday. Suddenly, terrorists get ahold of the kid and have a nasty virus to unleash in a very clever manner. This movie has a basic plot, but seriously, who gives a shit? You don't always go to action movies for plot. I am sick and tired of these stupid ass movie critics giving this movie a low score just because of "plot holes" and "acting." Each movie gets its own style of critque. House of the Dead was fucked up due to the fact of the idiotic, hip-hop teens they put in it (and absolutely no link to the awesome game). Episode 3 of Star Wars is a mixed review that depends on whether you like Star Wars or not, not solely on the actors themselves (though the first two's character developments SUCKED). Now, as for Transporter 2, this movie is a fucking WICKED ride that EVERY action fan must see. A kick ass car chase, great gunfights, and Jason Statham's martial arts keep you on the edge of your seat. (A VERY strong **** and will be in my DVD library with the first one)

As for Jackie Chan vs. Jason Statham, its Statham all the way. Jackie is old and Jason is in a higher weight class.

Deuce Biggolo European Gigolo

Duece has been out of the Gigolo business for a while and his hot, one-legged wife is dead :(. TJ gives him a call from Amsterdam inviting him over so he can cheer up a bit. The gigolo club over there is losing members due to a mysterious gigolo murderer and it is possibly one of their clients commiting them. TJ needs Deuce's help by making him a he-bitch once again and using him as bait.

This move REALLY disappointed me. Despite all of the great ideas they had (The Gigolo Awards being one of them), it just felt too rushed and seemed to drag on and on. Griffin plays his role well, despite a lack of humor, and Rob is still plays the sensitive and naive moron that he was in the first. Regardless, the toliet humor fell short and I came out extremely disappointed.
(**1/2)

Wedding Crashers

This is a rare jewel that is, without a doubt, going to be in my DVD library. The funniest movie I have seen since Old School.

John and Jeremy, played by Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson (whom I thought was a mismatch, but proved me wrong), are, obviously, wedding crashers. The movie opens up with great scenes of them scoring chicks (and I mean GREAT chicks) with lots of fun, laughs, and big boobs. After that, they go to the mother of all weddings. One of Secretary William Cleary's (Christopher Walken, hell YES) daughters is getting married and John and Jeremy get involved with the other two daughters. John begins to fall for the stunning and pleasant Claire (played by Rachel McAdams), whereas Jeremy falls for the "Class 5 Virgin" and VERY psychotic and cute, Gloria (played by Isla Fisher). I love Gloria the most, because of a few scenes she has with Jeremy. Kind of reminds me how April handles me :D.

ANYway, this movie is a must see for anyone who was a fan of Old School. GREAT laughs through the whole movie, a fun plot that kind of degrades to sappyness at the end (but is saved by my favorite comedian of all time), and can be touching at points. You won't be disappointed.
(*****)

Four Brothers

Marky-Mark is back and still has his fresh humor and attitude. A mother who took in four delinquents after they were abandoned is murdered in a convenience store while she is looking for a Thanksgiving turkey. What ensues are the four brothers discovering that there might have been more to it. They go on a vigilante run of revenge and justice trying to find out who ordered the hit.

This movie was great and suspenseful, despite all they got away with. I found it rather amazing that they were able to get away with murder, breaking and entering, a car chase, and so on,. in the City of Detroit. I would have thought the cops were more organzied there, but, its a movie after all. Aside from that goofyness, you have an amusing "semi-whodunit" with the typical Mark Wahlberg style humor and the ghetto-style shoot'em ups and talk. I'll buy it on DVD.
(****)

That does it for my summer movies. Stay tuned this fall for game reviews.

Now Having Opinions Means You're Bitter

It is truly amazing the power that one has with the internet. One minute you can write something and the next minute someone can write something back and even make up wonderful tales to try and get you to think. Wow, a lot like me! But this site isn't about making up things (or if it is, it's sarcasm), this site is all about the truth from observation and to do its best to make fun of that truth.

Laura (which I am hoping isn't the co-worker) has posted this after my bit with Ginger:

What school did you go to where Greeks were so awful? I have worked with a bunch of colleges and never seen such a thing. Did you have a bad experience with Greeks and that's why you are so bitter? It sounds like you are attacking what you don't know, which is rather silly. You are showing your ignorance.

Simple question and typical response from someone who doesn't get my humor. I went to a little place I like to call The University of Arizona. It is a great school and has been my dream school since 1993. I loved UA, I loved going to class, I loved the football and basketball teams, I had good friends. But, you can't like everything about a school. You deal with it, but that doesn't mean you can't write about it. Wow, shows how "ignorant" I am.

I don't have a personal problem with Greeks, it's just a general problem (unless you're poor Ginger). This Laura claims to have worked in several colleges and saw nothing like it. You've got to be fucking KIDDING. I read the police beats of college papers sometimes, mostly from The Daily Wildcat, and you see it all the time: "teen gets wasted at FRAT PARTY and cited. Girl files claim she was MOLESTED by FRAT BOY. The Stay Puft Marshmellow Man smokes a joint and explodes all over New York City." and so on. Yeah, I don't know anything even though I read about it and I've been to two or three frat parties myself. Yeah, Laura has my number there. Good job, nice hustle!

The only bad experience I had with a Greek was with Ginger, that's it. It's funny how Laura immediately tries to treat me like some common "nerd" or "mama's boy" right there with that comment. You know, if you actually took the time to read my site, you'd see that I make fun of all subcultures, even my own, because I am a "big ignorant loser with too much free time after work and I should just cut my wrists and die like a pussy." That would be so awesome, but I wouldn't cut my wrists. I'd eat a whole tub full of beans and kill myself that way. Then, I'd die like a man and evey chick would wanna jump on my porky dead wood.

Finally, the best line of them all, is when Laura says I attack what I don't know. now, I love this for two reasons. One, this site is entitled "The Truth." It is based off of my opinions (which are true and if you disagree, you are wrong). I didn't get these specs of gray hairs in my goatee by sitting back and keeping my mouth shut to everyone. Two, she has suddenly become a hypocrite. You can go and jump on me being ignorant all you want, when, if you READ my site, like a non-ignorant person would, you'd either hate it or love it (with this underdog on top). I'm glad you found it silly, however. That's the point of this site, to be silly.

Well, there you have it. Laura has proven that she is either a Greek herself or partied with Greeks and is trying to defend herself when, all in all, she shouldn't give a damn what some Network Administrator says about things. God, I love it when people take things seriously, especially me.

If You Didn't Make Rush, Stop Crying Like A Pussy

I was at a meeting last week going over my quarterly report with my boss and his assistants when all of the sudden, some ditzy blonde came strolling in interupting the meeting. We all had to stop because, as Natalee Holloway is provving time and again, blondes are more important than traditional work/ruined lives/education.

She was the new fall intern from Pima Community College and just had to storm in and introduce herself. John, my boss, handled it quite well by telling her to politely wait. However, knowing him for four months, I could also tell he wanted to rip her throat out (he's not violent, he's just like me when it comes to morons).

After the meeting, we all piled out for our water cooler/coffee/masturbation breaks before returning to more fork and spoon operating in level B (I monitor PC Tech Help's network, the second worst group of dumb fucks in the business). John took the blonde, who's name is Ginger (no suprise), into his office for her interview. As for me, I wasn't in the mood for masturbation that day, so, I skipped the bathroom stall and went back to the support room (where my three computers are located).

20 minutes later, my friend, Paul, came into the room and started talking about Ginger. He perfectly cracked the "Oh! Face" joke from Office Space which got us laughing to tears. I told him that, by the looks of her, she was going to quit after a month because she'll discover thinking causes wrinkles. He burst out laughing and said, with all the desparate nerds in this business, she'll have no need to go to some frat house to get some. That was a really good one (he should write for my site), but I reminded him that, despite some nerds having big wangs, she can't fuck anyone over 200 pounds or with an education because we're too "low standard." The convo went on sarcastically like that.

Well, the following day, Ginger was already talking to two recent female grads from Arizona State and seemed rather pissed off about something. I kept my fingers crossed that John busted her for being lazy and irresponsible, but alas, she was mad over something totally more important than hard work. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she didn't make rush at UA this year (she was transfering in for her junior year to Arizona). I immediately began to laugh and she gave me a mean face and asked what was so funny. I looked at her in amazement, but reminded myself that she is, after all, blonde. I told her that getting into rush wasn't a big deal and that she'd probably still be able to hang out with the other chicks that go there. The two ASU grads chuckled at my comment and Ginger said she knew that, but she really wanted to help out with the community. I held back my laugh this time, since I am not totally heartless, and simply said that she could still help out the community by joining clubs around campus. That was immediately followed by an "Ewww, I don't wanna join those nerdy people!" Right there, I knew what she was hinting at...well, actually, I knew the real reason she was upset the whole time. I laughed again, along with the two ASU grads laughing, and we went back to work.

Finally, on Monday, Ginger came to me with a problem. I went over to her computer station and she told me her monitor wasn't working. I pushed the button on it and nothing happened. I asked her if she checked if it was plugged in and she said it was. I looked underneath the table and saw that it wasn't. I wanted to laugh, but, if I did at that point, I'd be one of those "Nick Burns Company Computer Guy" losers, so, I maintained my composure and plugged it back in for her. She thanked me and then went to work. A half hour later, she came back to me and told me she needed help with one of our products. I went over to her station again and she told me that a customer needed a router. I asked her what was the problem with that and she then asked me, AND I QUOTE:

"What's a router?"

Now, I know not everyone would know that, especially if you are computer illiterate. However, working at Cisco Systems, even a low level job, requires some knowledge of our products as well as basic computer experience, network, hardware, and software knowledge. This girl was a business major who took a networking class and an intro to computers class, yet, she STILL asks me what a router is. I asked her if she took the manditory training course for our company and she said she did, but she was just there for the money and didn't pay attention, furtherly quoted. I shook my head and told her that she needs to know this stuff or she could get fired. She responded with the classic and irritating "Teehee, whatever." I shook my head again and took the order down for the customer so we didn't have to waste his time anymore. I then told Ginger to follow me into my office.

When we got into the office, I pulled out a NIC (Network Interface Card) and asked her what it was and what its purpose was. She said she didn't know. I stared at her in utter disbelief and asked her how the hell she passed networking class. She told me she had some "flakey" looking guy help her the whole time. Ah, that explained so much. I told her that if she didn't brush up on her skills (and by that, I meant study for once in her fucking pathetic life), that she was going to get fired eventually. She looked worried then, but had the disgusting nerve to ask me to help her do her job for her (aka, do the work for her since she has a pretty face). I laughed and I told her that I had to monitor the network or I'd get fired myself. She got a bit mad and just stormed out.

God...why is it that these stupid and pathetic preppie bitches think that their looks are gonna help them make it in life? Now, a classic response I would get for not helping the girl is that "I am a big nerdy closet homo that doesn't like girls." Oh yeah, you're absolutely right. Maintaining dignity and honesty in the business and having a FEMALE fiance is TOTALLY gay.

I know John didn't hire her for looks alone. She had some decent recommendations on her resume (which was probably typed by that flakey guy and in return, he got to see her boobs because he is a desparate loser), but I figure that, with her lack of knowledge, she probably slept with them.

Anyway, this topic is about Sorority Rush. If you're a nerd who sits at his computer all day or lives in your parent's basement and never gets out, its the beginning of the school year where all sorts of prep/slut/future porn star college dropouts meet to pledge for a house with Greek names. You pledge by doing all sorts of pretentious work to try and gain face in the community and to your fellow "sisters." The reason why I use the term pretentious is because its no different than student council in grade school. If you seriously think those morons on student council gave a fuck about the school, you are WRONG. The only reason they did it was so they could look good on getting into college and then either work hard or fuck up their lives (some of them are good students, others just closert fuck ups).

After a few weeks, there will be a big initiation if the girls made it and it is usually followed by a bunch of obnoxious frat boys coming over and knocking a few of them up while they get wasted off of keystone light, the cheapest beer in the world. I was once told that beer is beer, whatever gets you drunk. Yeah, ok, you do that, I'm gonna stick with drinking GOOD beer (Corona my fav, Fat Tire a close second. Think those are crap beer? You're a loser then).

So, all in all, Ginger shouldn't be upset. We all know that she really wanted to get in so she could be fucked by boney, homosexually-looking frat jerks and get wasted all the while using daddy's plastic to fund her next day pill/condom/keystone light fund and then try and get nerds like "me" to do all her work for her. Don't worry honey, you're good looking and you'll get into those parties so guys can prod you with their sausages and you can have your weekly ingesting of semen (not that a girl swallowing is bad, but, you get my drift).

Going To College? A Tip From A College Grad: Get Your Own Room

I loved attending the University of Arizona. I had some good classes, made a few good friends, went to football and basketball games, partied, met my fiance, and GRADUATED.

It wasn't all corona, caviar, and dominatrix sex, sadly. My freshman year was probably the worst experience of my life (which then resulted in a great lesson and a great learning experience to turn me into the sarcastic prick I am today). One thing that can ruin the college experience entirely, and many don't know it, is living in a dorm.

When I entered college, I was messy and disorganized. I wanted my parents to get me my own dorm room or 1 bedroom apartment (they had 200 grand set aside for me since they cared so much about my education. Yes, I was a fortunate individual), but they said it was too expensive, which kind of made me laugh a bit. They told me that part of the college experience was to live with a stranger and learn to adapt to it. I burst out into intense laughter, asking them if they listened to what they just said. Part of the college experience is to live with a stranger. That's like saying part of the drinking experience is to get rim jobbed by a man named Sancho. I begged them, because I knew I was messy and I knew I was going to piss my roomate off. My parents said it would teach me a lesson to become cleaner. I found this to be rather ironic, since they wanted me to graduate from college, but, they were setting out to make it more and more difficult.

The first roomate I had was a black dude from L.A. named Daniel Leathers. He was pretty cool and friendly at first, but, I knew once he saw how messy I was, it was going to be hell. At first, he really didn't mind. That wasn't the problem, it was my time spent in the room that began to upset him for some odd reason. I had just gotten my own computer for once in my life and I had high speed internet and a DVD player. I was renting movies from blockbuster so I could catch up and so on. Daniel, for the strangest reason, pseudo-morphed into my father, and told me not to be in the room and do that stuff. I was confused, analyzing if my life was his or, obviously, mine. After extensive laboratory tests using a gerbil, a wheel, and a turbine generator, I discovered my life was my own and carried on as usual.

That didn't make DL Money happy at all. He got stern and told me to let him sleep in during the mornings. I respected that (also, since I used to be a big pussy and didn't speak out enough, I just complied) and hung out at the library to do homework. It became a problem due to the fact I had assignments on my computer that I wanted to do in the comfort of my home, but, since I was a pussy, I did nothing to solve the problem (I was too damn nice to the wrong people).

My problem with him never came from me being messy, as that was my choice alone, it was him trying to get me to stop liking my hobbies. After he got his cousin to try and get me to stop watching anime, I decided to just give up being nice and continue to be messier. It drove him nuts, but I just didn't care. I put up a front pretending I did (I am really good at manipulating people) and when I was out of the room, I went on my slutty dates and plotted more ways to make his life miserable. He was in better shape than me at the time, so, combat was out of the question, and I stuck to my wits and my intelligence to just take him for a ride.

I moved in with a different roomate, named Jordan. He and I had a lot in common, but, my messiness was an issue, but the worst he did was trying to turn me into an ass-kissing robot like him. He almost suceeded, until I had the worst summer of my life and I evolved into who I am today: an "you nice to me, i be nice back, independent conservative, jerd, asshole."

I'm not blaming anyone for my problems, but, the fact can be made to show that some influences created a new (and better) part of me today. The moral of this tale is: It is immoral to give charity and compassion unconditionally to those who are undeserving. Aka, don't treat people who are mean to you like family, like I did.

Dorm life is really gay. I know that's unprofessional of me to refer to it as gay, but, I will prove one point about it that will show why I call it gay.

Let's face it, if you're not doomed in the nerd/anime/video game obsession, you're gonna end up being with someone for the rest of your life, and old habits must change or you must adjust a bit (change is too absolete). Honestly, it shouldn't have to take living in a dorm to develop you. You live, eat, sleep, and study in the same room as someone else of your same gender. Unless you're homosexual, well, that is rather gay (but I understand the morals, we don't want guys living with girls for the obvious reasons ourtside of sex). Regardless, your parents should be the ones to get on your case about cleaning your room or showering, and so on. In return, you should do as they say, no matter what age you are, because as long as you live under their roof, you follow their rules or go back to Russia.

Why would anyone want to live in a dorm in the first place either than having no choice? Oh, so they throw parties, big whoop. Look how big the rooms are, they are the size of prison cells and TWO people have to live in them!!!! Having parties in dorms is stupid anyway, due to the fact that you're gonna have underage drinkers in a hall that not only has quiet hours, but, a Resident Assistant as well. They will call the cops on you if you are drinking underage or doing drugs because its their job. If you wanna party, be a fucking man and go to a fucking apartment or house.

Not only do you have to live with someone in a cubicle, but, you also have to shower in a public bathroom. Of course, you need to stay clean, but, the truth of the matter is, a lot of people need privacy as well. I hardly ever showered in the dorm hall, or showered at all, I admit. I, as Daniel said to one of my aquantices, was afraid of showering in a public bathroom. Why? Three reasons: One, the floor was ALWAYS dirty. Sure, you can wear flip flops and shit like that, but, it didn't make a difference, since I got 3 planters warts from the fucking floor. Since Tucson is in the middle of the Sonoran Desert and I had to walk to my classes in heat, the warts, of course, hurt like fucking hell due to the sweat building up in my socks and the distances I had to walk. Hygene was not as important to me as passing classes (the following year, I stayed clean, since I finally got April), plus, I didn't have a girlfriend, so, it made no fucking difference to me, as selfish as it sounds. Let me tell you, you gotta be selfish in college or you will NEVER suceed. If you can't help yourself first, you won't be able to help others later.

The second reason, was the obvious fact that I had to shower near other guys. Now, I was once called a faggot for being a CIS major. I found that funny, since this was a guy who played Rugby and patted other guys' asses and then showered with them. Its odd how liking an inanimate object non-sexually makes you gay, whereas touching other guys and showering with them doesn't. Anyway, yeah, I don't like showering with guys. I love showering with April because she's a girl and it has lucrative opportunities. So, what benefits would I have gotten from showering in a public restroom with other guys who probably wanted to kick my ass at any minute (I had a lot of enemies)? Either than getting clean, nothing really. Here's a tip: If you are a night owl, shower at 3 in the morning, while everyone else sleeps. It worked some miracles for me.

Thirdly, the showers suck. There is no fucking way you can get fully cleaned from poor maintained water systems like we had there. If staying clean is so important, then why didn't they enforce it and put more money into better shower facilities? Oh, that's right, dorm activities like student government and super bowl parties are more important than your own health, I forgot. (Disclaimer: Super Bowl Parties, Good. Sutdent Government, Bad).

Moving into an apartment was the greatest idea of my life. Although I had to live with two other people, I at least got my own room, had a working shower that I used everyday, and kept everything outside of my room clean. So, I was able to be a bit messy with my own room and not get shit for it (though I cleaned it more often than I used to).

The bottom line: Dorm life only taught me one thing: to nver re-live it ever again. It is not fun, exciting, or a new experience, no matter what kind of person you are (unless you're the type that loves to live with strangers or you like getting raped). Dorm life is just an over-hyped and big waste of time that leads to unresolvable conflicts, poor hygene, low self-esteem, and the potential of getting your corn hole fucked in the shower by the "non-gay" Rugby team.

I Guess Some People Love Me After All

It seems that a few people can actually say good things about my assholeness. I got two comments already for my Natalee Holloway rant, one offering me insurance, the other, having me check out a Canadian Immigration web page.

To the insurance man: thanks a lot for your offer and please do come back as often as possible, even if you don't agree. I have USAA insurance since I make a lot of money, but, its great to have a new fan!

To the Canadian Immigration Guy: I'll try not to be too racist about Canada (unless someone from Canada decides to drop an immature comment, in which case, my apologies in advance). America isn't as bad as most Canadians think. Just look at it like this: you can get a good career here and meet some interesting people. Every country has its problems, even the super power we are (and I say super power out of respect for our nation's history).

Thanks for dropping lines, guys, and comment or email me if you like, although I can't offer insurance, ha ha ha ha!

DAHV! A Very Special What They Are Really Saying (aka Episode 11)

By special request from home skillet, Closetoinsanity, this episode of What They Are Really Saying will be braodcasted in TRUE COLOR (as it always is) and will be centered around one of the coolest little girls EVER, because all episodes of my series deal with awesome people that do so much for the community (not a compliment).

If you haven't been to the record store yet, or haven't waited in line to rob the cradle at her appearances, then be prepared to be blown away (literally) by the music of DAHV!

Like all child stars (future drug addicts/dog molesters/Michael Jackson Victims if they are boys), Dahv has entered the scene as a "hip-hop/moderm music" singer. Her annoying voice was discovered at the age of 10, and young teens everywhere immediately heard the high-pitched wail of her song and came running from the Ape-infested fields of what once was America, to the great meeting site of the one simply known as "Dahv." Now, being the slaves to the Ape society already, it was easy for Dahv to manipulate the feeble minds of the poor teens who used to hunt and gather Eminem for survival. There is no need now, there is Dahv.

Dahv is quite popular too, as she has hung out with some "great celebs" like Tom Green...oh wait, I haven't even listed a great celeb on this entire article yet! MY BAD! Sadly, Jon Voight was touched by her (and hopefully not infected by the sphyllus), so, it takes him down a few pegs, but, he's still cool in my book.

Dahv, as any red-blooded American teen heart-throb/future low budget porno actress, is into so many older guys! On her recent trip to Orlando, she is seen to have hung with three really great looking guys who probably showed her the night of her life, until she finds out that after her request for anal was shot down, she has three different babies brewin up in the ol' womb!

Oh, what am I prodding on about, I forgot the music! Dahv is no stranger to pointing out the truth about her everyday life! From school to mean girls to sucking cock, she sings it all! Her life is so horrible, despite the money she makes, she has to rap about it all instead of dealing with it like a normal human being. I also love the pics of her "grieving" on the web page. She really does look like a disturbed girl in need of a helping hand with all those cheap glamor shots her daddy pays for while he is in debt for wasting his money on a flash in the pan.

So while mommy and daddy drop the house payments and her college fund on her music career (since going to college and getting an education is for losers anyway), she rides the blue bus with her three homies and their children inside of her. WHAT A CAREER!

And now, for your viewing pleasure, what she is really trying to say to us!



The PCP is STRONG with this one!



"HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOO, ST. LOUISSSSSS, WE ALL TAGGED HER!!!!"



"Tee hee, you guys are grabbing my butt! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Now, what's a dirty sanchez again?"



Aw, what a slutty dress to wear in front of children! This is the role model of the future, folks!



She's got one rule down on being a celeb. Rule #127: Always allow one sympathy shot per year (two if you want more fans sucking your cock)

As for me, I'm gonna listen to some Jay Z, a REAL artist, and drown this shit out, followed by Metallica, to drown Jay Z's shit out.

One Slut More Important Than Thousands Of Citizens In The Southeast

Notre Dame kicks ultimate ass in their season opener against Pitt, Mom and April are getting along perfectly now, and I got 100 bucks from my parents for my birthday. My personal life is good.

Unfortunately, the media, as always, has to ruin these great moments by using their "Filler" after a major crisis thanks to Hurricane Katrina. I have donated 50 dollars to the relief fund and will probably give some more when I have the chance (currently paying off house mortgage and other things). Lives have been crushed, gas is up, which is NOT Bush's fault, you Liberal douches, and some college and pro teams have to relocate for a while. It truly is quite an ordeal.

But now that Hurricane Katrina is over, what should be broadcasted now on the news? Some stations go over the coverages and damage of the hurricane. Ok, that's not too bad. Some stations are covering other stories around the globe. Great. But, good ol' Fox News is covering the same bullshit that they feel is so interesting and important, but the reality is, it needs to be given a fucking rest. I'm talking, of course, about bimbo blonde Natalee Holloway.

It has been over 100 days and authorities have still not found her drunken (and possibly drug-bloated) corpse in Aruba. Still, Fox News thinks its "current/hip/popin-fresh" news that EVERYONE in America cares about....except me....and hopefully others...

Let's face it: she's dead and out to sea. I understand that, as a mother, you care for your children, no matter how obnoxious, stupid, or ugly they become (or in my case, jerk-offish). But, there is something else that a parent must endure sometimes in life, MOVING ON.

Now, I'm gonna keep it real, since I am not a parent and I analyze things on grounds that may seem mean. If you don't like what I have to say, email me with your hatred or love. If you're flat out stupid, you will be famous on this site. If you are intelligent, you will be famous, but not in my special way I reserve for the stupid and ignorant. If you get easily offended, stop reading now. I mean it, bitches.

Ok, here goes. What kind of stupid, careless, and naive moron gets wasted in a foreign country with people they don't know? Natalee Holloway, for one, but, many other future sorority/frat/prep/serial rapists do. I have NO sympathy for this girl, and there are more reasons than the obvious one I stated. One, the media is using her. Why? Because she is blonde, hot, and rich. If I were the one (and god forbid, I wouldn't because I was actually born with a full functioning brain) who was out there and got wasted and killed, Fox News would just mention me in their little news ticker as "some 23 year old jerd got whacked for drinking with gang bangers in Aruba." Then, it would go on about how terrible Bush is and how wonderful Kerry would have been in turning America into a total pussification country. I'm not jealous of this girl getting more fame than me, nor am I a huge Bush fan, I am just telling the truth, and if you're smart enough, you know its true.

Two, what contribution would she make or have made if she is, or were still alive? Looking at her picture, I can clearly predict her future: college cutie gone drug addict/working for minimum wage at a diner. Oh sure, she's on honor student from her high school in Alabama, SO WHAT? That proves shit right after you get into a college. You need to continue to work hard to prove you didn't just do it to be popular and impress your parents, like a majority of preps do in high school. 75% of them enter college and drop out after their first semester because they treated college like one big party the whole time instead of balancing it with hard work (or sleeping around, like Natalee probably would have). And what about a major? I think she would have gone with Communications because its the easiest and most boring and wasteful degree you can get. The only reason you get a degree like that is if you're a slacker, drunk, athlete, or idiot. Here's a little 411 on that degree: you will end up unemployed eventually after holding a career for a while and having crap skills. Do I know from experience? Nope. I had friends who were in it and just ended up working at McDonalds after college, enough said. All in all, the way I see it is, its one less wasted major to worry about since she is gone (and one less future date-rape victim for all the idiotic frat boys in this world).



You'd have gotten different kinds of pearl necklaces than that had you lived to see college.

Three, its media filler. What is "media filler," you ask? Its where the media has finished covering a major report, like Katrina, for example, and is trying to keep things "suspenseful and over-hyped" by covering something that they think people care about, Natalee Holloway and American Idol, for example. The only people who give a damn about that bullshit are the taco bell working, bling bling high school fags, and dumb little Brittney Spears wannabes that suck the media's teets in a manner not for nurishment, but for brain rot (also, because their own lives aren't interesting to begin with, but that's their own fault). Lately this year, that filler has been women. It started with Teri Schlavo (however the fuck you spell it) and went on from there. Ok, so some chick used to look good and became a vegetable? Boo hoo. So, some rich girl blonde got to use her daddy's platic and go to Aruba and get wasted with strangers, then turn up missing? NO, THAT NEVER EVER HAPPENS! NO ONE DISAPPEARS OR GETS RAPED WHILE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ALCOHOL! YOU SURE KEPT ME IN SUSPENSE, FOX NEWS, WOWWWWWWW!!!

This reminds me of the coverage of Elizabeth "not so" Smart. She was that little Utah shit that had that "psychological disease" where she felt safe with her captive. I dunno, after checking out what "Emmanuel," her captor, looked like, I think I'd be safer with the evil monkey in my closet than some grizzly pothead. Anyway, she was missing for months and she actually went in disguise with this pothead to parties so no one would recognize her. I think that whole psychological trip she claimed to be on was bullshit. Why? Around that same time, there was a little girl, I don't remember her name, but, she was younger than Elizabeth and got kidnapped herself. Instead of going to tree hugger boozefests, she was able to get her gag off, then chewed the duct tape that binded her, and got the fuck out and ran home. AND SHE WAS 3 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ELIZABETH WAS!! The moral of this story is: Don't use psychology as an excuse or a crutch (I have ADHD, oh well, I'm just dandy).

Let's wrap it up. Natalee is dead, probably at the bottom of the Atlantic or Gulf of Mexico. She won't be found, unless she is alive and hiding with her captors as they play mind games with her and tell her that giving each of them a blow job a day will keep her safe from her rich parents (which would give her a head start on her future sorority whoring). Until then, Fox News, I'm gonna watch The Daily Show!