Paragraph Movie Review Hyper Googily Hour!
I promised some movie reviews after I was finished being "bitter" about all sorts of things (since Laura said so), so, let us enter the fantasmical realm of the movie reviews, OOOoooOOOoOOOOooo
Transporter 2
Jason Statham takes the role of ex-Special Forces/Bad Ass Driver Frank Martin once again. This time, instead of a BMW 735, he drives an Audi (wish it was a 350Z, but oh well). Frank's job is less than spectacular (at first), as he is hired by a senator to pick up his boy after school everyday. Suddenly, terrorists get ahold of the kid and have a nasty virus to unleash in a very clever manner. This movie has a basic plot, but seriously, who gives a shit? You don't always go to action movies for plot. I am sick and tired of these stupid ass movie critics giving this movie a low score just because of "plot holes" and "acting." Each movie gets its own style of critque. House of the Dead was fucked up due to the fact of the idiotic, hip-hop teens they put in it (and absolutely no link to the awesome game). Episode 3 of Star Wars is a mixed review that depends on whether you like Star Wars or not, not solely on the actors themselves (though the first two's character developments SUCKED). Now, as for Transporter 2, this movie is a fucking WICKED ride that EVERY action fan must see. A kick ass car chase, great gunfights, and Jason Statham's martial arts keep you on the edge of your seat. (A VERY strong **** and will be in my DVD library with the first one)
As for Jackie Chan vs. Jason Statham, its Statham all the way. Jackie is old and Jason is in a higher weight class.
Deuce Biggolo European Gigolo
Duece has been out of the Gigolo business for a while and his hot, one-legged wife is dead :(. TJ gives him a call from Amsterdam inviting him over so he can cheer up a bit. The gigolo club over there is losing members due to a mysterious gigolo murderer and it is possibly one of their clients commiting them. TJ needs Deuce's help by making him a he-bitch once again and using him as bait.
This move REALLY disappointed me. Despite all of the great ideas they had (The Gigolo Awards being one of them), it just felt too rushed and seemed to drag on and on. Griffin plays his role well, despite a lack of humor, and Rob is still plays the sensitive and naive moron that he was in the first. Regardless, the toliet humor fell short and I came out extremely disappointed.
(**1/2)
Wedding Crashers
This is a rare jewel that is, without a doubt, going to be in my DVD library. The funniest movie I have seen since Old School.
John and Jeremy, played by Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson (whom I thought was a mismatch, but proved me wrong), are, obviously, wedding crashers. The movie opens up with great scenes of them scoring chicks (and I mean GREAT chicks) with lots of fun, laughs, and big boobs. After that, they go to the mother of all weddings. One of Secretary William Cleary's (Christopher Walken, hell YES) daughters is getting married and John and Jeremy get involved with the other two daughters. John begins to fall for the stunning and pleasant Claire (played by Rachel McAdams), whereas Jeremy falls for the "Class 5 Virgin" and VERY psychotic and cute, Gloria (played by Isla Fisher). I love Gloria the most, because of a few scenes she has with Jeremy. Kind of reminds me how April handles me :D.
ANYway, this movie is a must see for anyone who was a fan of Old School. GREAT laughs through the whole movie, a fun plot that kind of degrades to sappyness at the end (but is saved by my favorite comedian of all time), and can be touching at points. You won't be disappointed.
(*****)
Four Brothers
Marky-Mark is back and still has his fresh humor and attitude. A mother who took in four delinquents after they were abandoned is murdered in a convenience store while she is looking for a Thanksgiving turkey. What ensues are the four brothers discovering that there might have been more to it. They go on a vigilante run of revenge and justice trying to find out who ordered the hit.
This movie was great and suspenseful, despite all they got away with. I found it rather amazing that they were able to get away with murder, breaking and entering, a car chase, and so on,. in the City of Detroit. I would have thought the cops were more organzied there, but, its a movie after all. Aside from that goofyness, you have an amusing "semi-whodunit" with the typical Mark Wahlberg style humor and the ghetto-style shoot'em ups and talk. I'll buy it on DVD.
(****)
That does it for my summer movies. Stay tuned this fall for game reviews.
Transporter 2
Jason Statham takes the role of ex-Special Forces/Bad Ass Driver Frank Martin once again. This time, instead of a BMW 735, he drives an Audi (wish it was a 350Z, but oh well). Frank's job is less than spectacular (at first), as he is hired by a senator to pick up his boy after school everyday. Suddenly, terrorists get ahold of the kid and have a nasty virus to unleash in a very clever manner. This movie has a basic plot, but seriously, who gives a shit? You don't always go to action movies for plot. I am sick and tired of these stupid ass movie critics giving this movie a low score just because of "plot holes" and "acting." Each movie gets its own style of critque. House of the Dead was fucked up due to the fact of the idiotic, hip-hop teens they put in it (and absolutely no link to the awesome game). Episode 3 of Star Wars is a mixed review that depends on whether you like Star Wars or not, not solely on the actors themselves (though the first two's character developments SUCKED). Now, as for Transporter 2, this movie is a fucking WICKED ride that EVERY action fan must see. A kick ass car chase, great gunfights, and Jason Statham's martial arts keep you on the edge of your seat. (A VERY strong **** and will be in my DVD library with the first one)
As for Jackie Chan vs. Jason Statham, its Statham all the way. Jackie is old and Jason is in a higher weight class.
Deuce Biggolo European Gigolo
Duece has been out of the Gigolo business for a while and his hot, one-legged wife is dead :(. TJ gives him a call from Amsterdam inviting him over so he can cheer up a bit. The gigolo club over there is losing members due to a mysterious gigolo murderer and it is possibly one of their clients commiting them. TJ needs Deuce's help by making him a he-bitch once again and using him as bait.
This move REALLY disappointed me. Despite all of the great ideas they had (The Gigolo Awards being one of them), it just felt too rushed and seemed to drag on and on. Griffin plays his role well, despite a lack of humor, and Rob is still plays the sensitive and naive moron that he was in the first. Regardless, the toliet humor fell short and I came out extremely disappointed.
(**1/2)
Wedding Crashers
This is a rare jewel that is, without a doubt, going to be in my DVD library. The funniest movie I have seen since Old School.
John and Jeremy, played by Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson (whom I thought was a mismatch, but proved me wrong), are, obviously, wedding crashers. The movie opens up with great scenes of them scoring chicks (and I mean GREAT chicks) with lots of fun, laughs, and big boobs. After that, they go to the mother of all weddings. One of Secretary William Cleary's (Christopher Walken, hell YES) daughters is getting married and John and Jeremy get involved with the other two daughters. John begins to fall for the stunning and pleasant Claire (played by Rachel McAdams), whereas Jeremy falls for the "Class 5 Virgin" and VERY psychotic and cute, Gloria (played by Isla Fisher). I love Gloria the most, because of a few scenes she has with Jeremy. Kind of reminds me how April handles me :D.
ANYway, this movie is a must see for anyone who was a fan of Old School. GREAT laughs through the whole movie, a fun plot that kind of degrades to sappyness at the end (but is saved by my favorite comedian of all time), and can be touching at points. You won't be disappointed.
(*****)
Four Brothers
Marky-Mark is back and still has his fresh humor and attitude. A mother who took in four delinquents after they were abandoned is murdered in a convenience store while she is looking for a Thanksgiving turkey. What ensues are the four brothers discovering that there might have been more to it. They go on a vigilante run of revenge and justice trying to find out who ordered the hit.
This movie was great and suspenseful, despite all they got away with. I found it rather amazing that they were able to get away with murder, breaking and entering, a car chase, and so on,. in the City of Detroit. I would have thought the cops were more organzied there, but, its a movie after all. Aside from that goofyness, you have an amusing "semi-whodunit" with the typical Mark Wahlberg style humor and the ghetto-style shoot'em ups and talk. I'll buy it on DVD.
(****)
That does it for my summer movies. Stay tuned this fall for game reviews.
posted by Grey Fox at 3:22 PM
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