If You Didn't Make Rush, Stop Crying Like A Pussy

I was at a meeting last week going over my quarterly report with my boss and his assistants when all of the sudden, some ditzy blonde came strolling in interupting the meeting. We all had to stop because, as Natalee Holloway is provving time and again, blondes are more important than traditional work/ruined lives/education.

She was the new fall intern from Pima Community College and just had to storm in and introduce herself. John, my boss, handled it quite well by telling her to politely wait. However, knowing him for four months, I could also tell he wanted to rip her throat out (he's not violent, he's just like me when it comes to morons).

After the meeting, we all piled out for our water cooler/coffee/masturbation breaks before returning to more fork and spoon operating in level B (I monitor PC Tech Help's network, the second worst group of dumb fucks in the business). John took the blonde, who's name is Ginger (no suprise), into his office for her interview. As for me, I wasn't in the mood for masturbation that day, so, I skipped the bathroom stall and went back to the support room (where my three computers are located).

20 minutes later, my friend, Paul, came into the room and started talking about Ginger. He perfectly cracked the "Oh! Face" joke from Office Space which got us laughing to tears. I told him that, by the looks of her, she was going to quit after a month because she'll discover thinking causes wrinkles. He burst out laughing and said, with all the desparate nerds in this business, she'll have no need to go to some frat house to get some. That was a really good one (he should write for my site), but I reminded him that, despite some nerds having big wangs, she can't fuck anyone over 200 pounds or with an education because we're too "low standard." The convo went on sarcastically like that.

Well, the following day, Ginger was already talking to two recent female grads from Arizona State and seemed rather pissed off about something. I kept my fingers crossed that John busted her for being lazy and irresponsible, but alas, she was mad over something totally more important than hard work. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she didn't make rush at UA this year (she was transfering in for her junior year to Arizona). I immediately began to laugh and she gave me a mean face and asked what was so funny. I looked at her in amazement, but reminded myself that she is, after all, blonde. I told her that getting into rush wasn't a big deal and that she'd probably still be able to hang out with the other chicks that go there. The two ASU grads chuckled at my comment and Ginger said she knew that, but she really wanted to help out with the community. I held back my laugh this time, since I am not totally heartless, and simply said that she could still help out the community by joining clubs around campus. That was immediately followed by an "Ewww, I don't wanna join those nerdy people!" Right there, I knew what she was hinting at...well, actually, I knew the real reason she was upset the whole time. I laughed again, along with the two ASU grads laughing, and we went back to work.

Finally, on Monday, Ginger came to me with a problem. I went over to her computer station and she told me her monitor wasn't working. I pushed the button on it and nothing happened. I asked her if she checked if it was plugged in and she said it was. I looked underneath the table and saw that it wasn't. I wanted to laugh, but, if I did at that point, I'd be one of those "Nick Burns Company Computer Guy" losers, so, I maintained my composure and plugged it back in for her. She thanked me and then went to work. A half hour later, she came back to me and told me she needed help with one of our products. I went over to her station again and she told me that a customer needed a router. I asked her what was the problem with that and she then asked me, AND I QUOTE:

"What's a router?"

Now, I know not everyone would know that, especially if you are computer illiterate. However, working at Cisco Systems, even a low level job, requires some knowledge of our products as well as basic computer experience, network, hardware, and software knowledge. This girl was a business major who took a networking class and an intro to computers class, yet, she STILL asks me what a router is. I asked her if she took the manditory training course for our company and she said she did, but she was just there for the money and didn't pay attention, furtherly quoted. I shook my head and told her that she needs to know this stuff or she could get fired. She responded with the classic and irritating "Teehee, whatever." I shook my head again and took the order down for the customer so we didn't have to waste his time anymore. I then told Ginger to follow me into my office.

When we got into the office, I pulled out a NIC (Network Interface Card) and asked her what it was and what its purpose was. She said she didn't know. I stared at her in utter disbelief and asked her how the hell she passed networking class. She told me she had some "flakey" looking guy help her the whole time. Ah, that explained so much. I told her that if she didn't brush up on her skills (and by that, I meant study for once in her fucking pathetic life), that she was going to get fired eventually. She looked worried then, but had the disgusting nerve to ask me to help her do her job for her (aka, do the work for her since she has a pretty face). I laughed and I told her that I had to monitor the network or I'd get fired myself. She got a bit mad and just stormed out.

God...why is it that these stupid and pathetic preppie bitches think that their looks are gonna help them make it in life? Now, a classic response I would get for not helping the girl is that "I am a big nerdy closet homo that doesn't like girls." Oh yeah, you're absolutely right. Maintaining dignity and honesty in the business and having a FEMALE fiance is TOTALLY gay.

I know John didn't hire her for looks alone. She had some decent recommendations on her resume (which was probably typed by that flakey guy and in return, he got to see her boobs because he is a desparate loser), but I figure that, with her lack of knowledge, she probably slept with them.

Anyway, this topic is about Sorority Rush. If you're a nerd who sits at his computer all day or lives in your parent's basement and never gets out, its the beginning of the school year where all sorts of prep/slut/future porn star college dropouts meet to pledge for a house with Greek names. You pledge by doing all sorts of pretentious work to try and gain face in the community and to your fellow "sisters." The reason why I use the term pretentious is because its no different than student council in grade school. If you seriously think those morons on student council gave a fuck about the school, you are WRONG. The only reason they did it was so they could look good on getting into college and then either work hard or fuck up their lives (some of them are good students, others just closert fuck ups).

After a few weeks, there will be a big initiation if the girls made it and it is usually followed by a bunch of obnoxious frat boys coming over and knocking a few of them up while they get wasted off of keystone light, the cheapest beer in the world. I was once told that beer is beer, whatever gets you drunk. Yeah, ok, you do that, I'm gonna stick with drinking GOOD beer (Corona my fav, Fat Tire a close second. Think those are crap beer? You're a loser then).

So, all in all, Ginger shouldn't be upset. We all know that she really wanted to get in so she could be fucked by boney, homosexually-looking frat jerks and get wasted all the while using daddy's plastic to fund her next day pill/condom/keystone light fund and then try and get nerds like "me" to do all her work for her. Don't worry honey, you're good looking and you'll get into those parties so guys can prod you with their sausages and you can have your weekly ingesting of semen (not that a girl swallowing is bad, but, you get my drift).