Teen Males Can Now Dress Like Anorexic Skanks
While looking for the new edition of Sports Illustrated to see a great bit on how Notre Dame completely owned Michigan, I stumbled across a front liner on the Teen People magazine (one of the worst magazines in the history of magazines). I picked it up to make sure my eyes weren't having the usual hallucinations of jiggly jugs and red heads come-hithering me. No, sure enough, it was real...and the vomit began to crawl up the throat: Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are targeting their fashion for boys now.
I was thrown out of the Waldenbooks for spewing my Exorcist vomit everywhere followed by my high-pitched wailing that would rival any obnoxious child brat's own wailing. From that point, I knew that the world had sunk to a new low.
Ashley refers to it as a "tween" empire, whatever the fuck that means. She said she sees great potential in it. Of COURSE there is great potential in it. Nowadays, men with fashion senses (Metrosexuals) are the new rave of the 21st century. Not only that, but, we have to remember that 80% of all teens out there believe in what the media tells them and therefore, they must dress like pimps/skanks/inmates to get attention (but the sad thing is, it only works for popular people. Sorry, all you wannabes, no banana for you).
To further promote their tripe, Mary Kate and Ashely's entertainment group has signed on those idiotic BLOND (of course) twins Cole and Dylan Sprouse. If you have never heard of them (and thank God if you haven't), they are those little jerks who had bits in the worst sitcom of mankind, Friends, and also made an appearance in Adam Sandler's Big Daddy. Their manager refers to them as "boy boys in every sense of the term." Since when is "boy boys" a term? That sounds like lingo for "homosexuals in the family" or "X-popping, glow stick sucking ravers." Their managers, on the other hand, refers to it being a typical boy: loves to rollar blade, surf, play video games, and love animals. Hmmmmmm, last time I checked, loving animals was more of a chick thing. Sounds kind of gay for a guy to love animals, but then again, I love cats, but not some PETA jerk at the same time. I'm just not "with it" as well, with all this modern bullshit ruining our youth.
Mary Kate and Ashley intend on spreading their clothes line in 2006, so we have less than a year to prepare for the impending doom of our teen and young males becoming less than a man when they get older. To make matters worse, Wal-Mart (which actually has decent men's apparel that isn't covered in Abercrombie and Fitch faggot crap), is planning on promoting it. Looks like its back to shopping online for clothes for me, damnit.
Finally, Ashley claims that her "life is now starting and she feels like a businessperson." HA HA HA HA HA! Keep dreaming, future playboy playmate, you made it into this world with your "cute" and diarhea-inducing show called Full House and now you are whoring your anorexia and skank super powers out to boys by selling your looks alone. Leave the business stuff to legitimate people like me, who actually earned a living through hard work, blood, sweat, and tears, not east money, skankyness, and millions of perverted men awaiting your 18th birthdays.
I hate teen fashion. When I was 14, I was suckered into it with those Jnco Jeans, since everyone wore them and I wanted a pair too. My mom got me a crappy pair for chirstmas (but in High School, I got better pairs, then got over it and in college, went to wearing low cut shorts and dockers). After those days, I looked back and realized what an idiot I was, but, at the same time, liked baggy jeans, just not the kind that promotes you to look like a complete moron. Abercrombie and Fitch, Old Navy, and Hot Topic (on the male side), have to be the WORST fashions in existance to date. Here's a little secret: wearing vans, khakis, and a polo shirt isn't dressing like a nerd, its dressing to look good so you don't get fired from your fucking job or get people staring at you wherever you go and thanking the heavens themselves you're not their kid.
I was thrown out of the Waldenbooks for spewing my Exorcist vomit everywhere followed by my high-pitched wailing that would rival any obnoxious child brat's own wailing. From that point, I knew that the world had sunk to a new low.
Ashley refers to it as a "tween" empire, whatever the fuck that means. She said she sees great potential in it. Of COURSE there is great potential in it. Nowadays, men with fashion senses (Metrosexuals) are the new rave of the 21st century. Not only that, but, we have to remember that 80% of all teens out there believe in what the media tells them and therefore, they must dress like pimps/skanks/inmates to get attention (but the sad thing is, it only works for popular people. Sorry, all you wannabes, no banana for you).
To further promote their tripe, Mary Kate and Ashely's entertainment group has signed on those idiotic BLOND (of course) twins Cole and Dylan Sprouse. If you have never heard of them (and thank God if you haven't), they are those little jerks who had bits in the worst sitcom of mankind, Friends, and also made an appearance in Adam Sandler's Big Daddy. Their manager refers to them as "boy boys in every sense of the term." Since when is "boy boys" a term? That sounds like lingo for "homosexuals in the family" or "X-popping, glow stick sucking ravers." Their managers, on the other hand, refers to it being a typical boy: loves to rollar blade, surf, play video games, and love animals. Hmmmmmm, last time I checked, loving animals was more of a chick thing. Sounds kind of gay for a guy to love animals, but then again, I love cats, but not some PETA jerk at the same time. I'm just not "with it" as well, with all this modern bullshit ruining our youth.
Mary Kate and Ashley intend on spreading their clothes line in 2006, so we have less than a year to prepare for the impending doom of our teen and young males becoming less than a man when they get older. To make matters worse, Wal-Mart (which actually has decent men's apparel that isn't covered in Abercrombie and Fitch faggot crap), is planning on promoting it. Looks like its back to shopping online for clothes for me, damnit.
Finally, Ashley claims that her "life is now starting and she feels like a businessperson." HA HA HA HA HA! Keep dreaming, future playboy playmate, you made it into this world with your "cute" and diarhea-inducing show called Full House and now you are whoring your anorexia and skank super powers out to boys by selling your looks alone. Leave the business stuff to legitimate people like me, who actually earned a living through hard work, blood, sweat, and tears, not east money, skankyness, and millions of perverted men awaiting your 18th birthdays.
I hate teen fashion. When I was 14, I was suckered into it with those Jnco Jeans, since everyone wore them and I wanted a pair too. My mom got me a crappy pair for chirstmas (but in High School, I got better pairs, then got over it and in college, went to wearing low cut shorts and dockers). After those days, I looked back and realized what an idiot I was, but, at the same time, liked baggy jeans, just not the kind that promotes you to look like a complete moron. Abercrombie and Fitch, Old Navy, and Hot Topic (on the male side), have to be the WORST fashions in existance to date. Here's a little secret: wearing vans, khakis, and a polo shirt isn't dressing like a nerd, its dressing to look good so you don't get fired from your fucking job or get people staring at you wherever you go and thanking the heavens themselves you're not their kid.
posted by Grey Fox at 11:11 AM
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