Movie Reviews For April

The Last House On The Left

Wes Craven comes out with another gore fest showing what people will do and take to extract revenge upon the filth and villainy of the world today. An accurate portrayal of what recreational pot smokers do (since they're so "cool"), swimming, gunpoint, rape for power, hiding out, and exploding a head in a microwave make this a rather interesting, yet average remake of a horror "classic"

* * * 1/2 (out of 5, if you forgot)

Miss March

Horsedick...
DOT M-PEG!
....ok, Horsedick.mpeg

It's good to see low budget films are still making me laugh harder than these "oscar worthy" comedies of today. A teen is rendered unconscious before he gets laid by his decent looking girlfriend on prom night. 3-4 years later, he wakes up from a coma and he and his awesome perverted friend go across country while being chased by an insane girl and her fireman brother, rapping with Horsedick.mpeg, and eventually reach the PlayBoy Mansion after having found that his girlfriend is Miss March. Funny, tasteless, yet so perfectly hilarious this comedy be. Not the best, but a good laugh riot

* * * *

Why Furries Live Solely For My Amusement

Two years of traveling down the same mysterious vortex hole Ozzie Smith found himself tricked into when he visited Springfield in The Simpsons has now somehow landed me back here. I thought this site would be taken down because of how "cruel and unusual" I am to miserable people. So, before Obama does away with the First and Second Amendments, it's time to get more jollies in pissing off some more subcultures.

Having logged into my account, I stumbled across a shitload of comments waiting to be approved. Many were from fans, many were spam, and a few did catch my interest. One in particular was from my post on Better Days in which a pretentious furrian decided to belittle my truth. Just like a hippie protesting that a liquior bottle was not recycled after it was used to sodomize a man in San Francisco, this furrian went all out on me in a crusade and orgy of poor spelling, shorthand, and the atrocious shorthand word, "For The Win." It should be duly noted that anyone using this term has severe mental problems, hence why he decided to speak out against The Truth. The following is what was said and should not be taken seriously by ANYONE:

all the people on this website are anti furry fuckers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU? half the stuff u wrote (the fact based thing) are untrue!!!! at the start fisk is 9 and so is lucy, they are called lucy and fisk cos they aren't pets they are FICTIONAL anthropomorphic characters!! also its a dramatic comic!! jay doesnt get of with incest its part of the fucking story and so what if he does jay naylor is an awesome man and a great artist so get the fuck off his back you ignorant assholes! FURRIES FOR THE WIN!

There you have it, sports fans, straight from the furry horse's mouth as he sucks on a furry sheep's penis. It doesn't matter if you know what furry is or not, our furrian friend has confirmed that if you visit my site, you are an anti-furry fucker. Make sure that when you sleep with your human man or woman tonight, you reflect upon your poor decision of visiting my site and how many furry people you have shunned, crushed, and saddened. Now, their nightly routine of masturbating to Honey Bunny from Space Jam and door locking to keep their "mundane" parents out is completely destroyed because you visited my site. The once calm, serene feeling that a furry gets when it blows its load over their favorite stuffed animal will now be replaced with the distasteful words of a satirical blog writer online who merely wishes to enlighten people of what The Truth really is about in regards to the entire world. What the fuck are our problems, people? Fisk and Lucy are NINE at the beginning of the comic. Jesus fucking CHRIST, why are you so stupid for forgetting the ages of FICTIONAL CHARACTERS, YOU IGNORANT ASSHOLES!!! Jay Naylor is an awesome man! He lets me molest him and his brother in a three way furry fest! I wear my horse outfit while he hops into his Fisk costume because he is my idol dream date! Then he pops his delicious kitty milk into my mouth and tells me to fight against oppressive people whose opinion differs from mine because everyone should love furries even if they find it weird or sickingly sad!

THE TRUTH FOR THE WIN! -cums-

For those of you anti-furry fuckers who don't know what a furry is, good for you. Your mind will never have to suffer through the images, lifestyles, personalities, and sorrow that furries endure day in and day out. If you're curious, however, read on and don't stop, courage is fear holding on a little longer (The immortal words of General George S Patton, war veteran and President of the Anti-Furry Fuckers Club, yes, beyond the grave).

A furry is basically a nerd or virgin who is part of (yes) another retarded internet subculture that enjoy anthromorphic humanoid people. Looney tunes or Disney animal characters that walk on two legs and talk are examples. What's so bad about that, you ask? Bugs Bunny, Donald Duck, to name a few, are legends, hands down. Here is the problem. These geeks take it to the extreme of sexual gratification...yes, we're talking about yet ANOTHER subculture full of people that kill time with masturbation before they go and piss off the wrong person and end up in jail or beaten up.

If this is your first time hearing about them and you're shocked you've never heard of them, you're lucky. It's been around for over 40 years sadly, but it started off harmless enough. With today's Liberal society, we have to be more tolllllerrrrrentttt of idiots like these and accept their lifestyles. Sure, you can do or be what you want or sleep with whichever sewer rat you want to. However, I can also say or do as I please, and teasing freaks of nature like this happens to be one of my rights, yay!

So, Fox, you said they take it too far and it's used solely for sexual graitifcation. Can you elaborate? Ok, but i must take a 1/5th of Vodka first..................................................................................................................................
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Ok, here goes

The most popular defense for a furry geek is to say that "their culture is cool, I'm not always masturbating to Gadget from Rescue Rangers, I'm not going to fur-con to sniff other people's asses, I don't always wear my fox ears in public, I live alone, I have been laid" and so on. However, when you explore a webpage such as Furtopia, at first, it looks innocent enough. You see some unusual artwork and a crappy template, which is quite common for subculture sites, but do not let the surface fool you! Once you enter the forum to see what people are talking about, 70% of it is mainly how to get into Pikachu's pants or going to a zoo and getting off the night of the trip after a Tiger was going nuts seeing you wear your fox ears and tail. That's just the surface of it, though.

To be fair, I will throw in two types of furry:

THE "SANE" FURRY

The "sane" furry is the furry fan who draws and looks at artwork of furries without having to depict 4 penises, dick nipples, or scenes of grotesque sexual practice. They also probably love the characters for the characters in the terms of amusement, like Bugs Bunny, or badassness, like Chewbacca. Some even link spiritual connection to totems and such. While strange, art is art, religion is religion, and these people can be tolerable, but still rather annoying.

EVERYONE ELSE FURRY

Now comes the real stale meat and starchy potatoes. These people are insane, obnoxious, creepy, and all around perfect individuals to bring to a club or party for laughs as they sit in a corner drinking a virgin strawberry daquiri while wearing animal ears and tails and having patrons stare at them like they were the incarnate of satan himself. All that is decent and active is replaced by depravity and extensive sugar intake to stay awake splattering semen all over their computer monitors as their fantasies of nine year old Fisk and Lucy are satisfied. You guessed it, these are the people involved in wearing fursuits to "yiff" each other, get off to erotic fur art until their 3 inch penises dissolve and wither away to nothingness, or draw pcitures of Minnie Mouse with a penis. These people have horrible defense mechanisms, associate you to Hitler if you don't like furries, get angry at everything, or pretend to be oblivious to it by making fun of you for talking against furry. However, that is quite illogical, you're not the furry fan, they are! These people should be avoided like the STD ridden tramp of the party who flashes you her boobs, but you stop there because you know her company ink has been dipped in too many times.

I'll go into more detail about how to handle these fursons later, but for now, two movies reviews and another 1/5th of Vodka calls

I'M BACK, BITCHES!

grey.fox37@gmail.com