Monday, August 21, 2006

Your Blog Sucks: The Super Adventure Club

COME JOIN THE SUPER ADVENTURE CLUB!

What we are: We are boylovers. We are molestors. We are child predators. We are for your amusement. We are sick fucks. There is plenty of stereotype. We think we are you, but we act in a way to look like victims in a society that has laws that are just and fair, but not to us. We are united freaks. We are sick human beings. We are to be judged under any bar you would judge yourself with because that is life, that is what is real, and there is nothing we can do about it.

What we are not: We are not ethical.

What we need: We need you to join this club and ruin your life. Contact this blog's administrators via email and you can be added to our club.

The Staff:

Crake01
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Always poetic, but suicidal because of his life choice, Crake01 desires everyone to be free...and to make children free and at his fingertips to molest.

Marlock Level: 5

Ultimate Fantasy: Reading Emily Dickenson to a boy while butt ramming him.

leBonhomme
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Possible clone of Crake01, nothing tickles leBonhomme's fancy than a night of hot pockets and thinking about which Star Trek child actor he'd do first.

Marlock Level: 2

Ultimate Fantasy: Having a child in a Ferengi paper machie hat shave his back while watching Next Gen in a hot tub filled with nacho cheese.

Rookiee Revolyob
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Rebellous, yet cutesy and cuddly, Rookiee is there to join you in playing G.I. Joe or with your Tonka trucks, little boys! Growing up is for fags!

Marlock Level: 3

Ultimate Fantasy: Dressing up as Peter Pan and having a little boy shove an umbrela up his ass with the kid wearing a top hat.

Jack
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Jack is a popular construction worker in Lego Town since he couldn't get a real job in life! He spends his days at our club playing with legos and fantasizing about lego boys!

Marlock Level: 3

Ultimate Fantasy: To poop a lego out over a boy's chest.

Aqua
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

The "poster child" of The Super Adventure Club (is really the site owner trying to trick you). Don't fuck around with this "13 year old" cuz he'll come to your house and fucking kill you with his slingshot!

Marlock Level: 10 (he is "the chosen one" among Jedi...I mean, pedophiles)

Ultimate Fantasy: Fucking killing the fucking owner of the fucking site and fucking fucking fucking taking fucking over.

AnemicFairy
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Believe it when he says he lives a life, folks! He loves to use his "God given super dancetastic" powers to bring woe upon us all because he makes us feel that pedophiles don't have lives outside of molesting children (we understand, we just don't give a fuck seriously enough to care).

Marlock Level: 1 (His woe has aged his body beyond his 30s and given himself a low Marlock count)

Ultimate Fantasy: To have sex with a boy to raise his Marlock levels and stop getting made fun of by other pedophiles for his lack of immortality.

Clayboy
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Clayboy is the pussy of the Super Adventure Club. Always sad and ashamed of what he follows in life. He constantly retreats to his ship, the H.M.S. Fuck A Boy In The Ass, where he has been rumored for assassination by urban legend, Mr. 47.

Marlock Level: 4

Ultimate Fantasy: To have sex with a boy in front of his parents to show he is not afraid of society anymore and to stop being a pussy in the eyes of other pedophiles.

Mr Bolo
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Mr Bolo, the napoleon of crime to some, works in Law in England! In his spare time, he constantly bends laws in society to make himself feel better when he has a double guarantee of going to hell for being a lawyer and a homosexual.

Marlock Level: 8

Ultimate Fantasy: Dressing up like Harvey Birdman and taking a boy to the sewers where they'll sip tea on a large rubber ducky boat.

Delusion
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Delusion is the club nerd and first animated boy to ever join our group! He is the dreamer of the organization, coming up with more excuses...I MEAN facts about pedophiles!

Marlock Level: 7

Ultimate Fantasy: Bringing a boy to his parent's basement and showing them his Gundam model collection.

StillYoung
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

StillYoung is the very first horse pedophile ever! He enjoys running through the meadows, eating grass, and butt ramming kids with his horse cock!

Marlock Level: 5

Ultimate Fantasy: To have a boy ride him naked through the Sahara Desert

Iris Naseth
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Iris once was a girl....long ago...before a vampire came along and bit her. She suddenly got a sex change in the process as well and became a gay vampire as a result!

Marlock Level: 6

Ultimate Fantasy: To become a female again, but keep the penis and do a boy with it.

BlBlake
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

He's been writing since the 60s and is VERY interested in children's rights...which interprets to changing the law to have sex with 2 year olds and get away with it or give 4 year olds the right to leave their house and live with a sicko.

Marlock Level: 9

Ultimate Fantasy: Read Dr. Seuss to a boy while whipping him as he is chained to a wall.

ohellyeah70
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Ohellyeah70 hates Grey Fox with a passion! He wishes Grey Fox could be locked away in a prison forever because Grey doesn't like little boys at all!

Marlock Level: 1

Ultimate Fantasy: To have Grey Fox hung in front of his eyes while he does a little boy.

Probability of Fantasy happening: 1 to 1,000,000,000

Requirements For Joining The Club

-You must be gay

-You must be over 18

-You must be eventually balding to bald

-You must have perverted lips

-You must have a high pitched or nasel voice

-You must be willing to pretend to be a female or a little boy to trick people into thinking we have boys in our club

-You must use God as an excuse

-You must call anyone who disagrees with you shallow or ignorant, even if they are right about how sick we are

-You must be hypocritical

-You must lie to your family, friends, co-workers, and pets

-You must wear an ivory hat and a white explorers outfit (or something Australian, whatever)

We hope you meet these requirements and have a fun time in The Super Adventure Club!

Damnit, it sucks I can't join the Super Adventure Club! Look what they had to say about me!

Funny how the shallow-minded always come back to the same argument. Yes I am attracted to boys, your point being? I hope you're not foolish enough to think that this is actually a concious decision on my part. And since you have such a problem with the way I was born, what would you have me do about it? What? Do you think I'm gonna go live in the back of some cave somwhere simply because morons like your self can't understand my attraction? Or the attraction that boys have for me? I am a pedophile, I didn't ask to be one, but I am, and I can change this no more then I can change the day to night. But you know what? I've come to understand and accept who and what I am, because shaking your fist at the sky won't stop the sun from setting.

I am a pedophile whether you like it or not, whether I like it or not, and if you lock me in the deepest dungeon on the face of the earth and never let me see the light of day again I will still be a pedophile. If you make me sign a sex offender registry and ruin my life, I will still be a pedohphile. If you stick me in a mental hospital and medicate me untill I can no longer speak and sit me in front of some shrink who's being paid to tell me for hours and hours on end that I'm evil simply for the way I was fucking born, I will still be a pedophile.

(At this point reading it to my fiancee, I imitated a childish whiny voice of anger)

IF YOU KILL ME I WILL STILL BE A PEDOPHILE! I am a pedophile. This is how God made me. It's not somthing I chose, its not something I can help, but you know what? I AM DAMN FUCKING PROUD TO BE ONE! Theres not a DAMN thing you can do about it, and I'll be DAMNED to the DEEPEST PITS OF HELL before I let some shallow minded, over opinonated BIGOT like YOU, who probably dosen't know the first thing about me, about people like me, about the boys who understand and love people like me, about what the word "pedophile" really means, or anything beyond what society has spoon fed your sorry ass since they day you were born, make me feel ashamed of who and what I am. You don't like pedophiles? Well guess what? We've been here since man was living in fucking caves, we're in EVERY SINGLE POINT AND ASPECT OF SOCIETY, from homeless people to doctors, to lawyers, to politicians, to world leaders. There's a hell of a lot more of us then people like yourself would like to believe and we're not going anywhere, so get used to it. We're here to stay.

You know, it's really cool when losers like this do the work for you. I was prepared to write this huge satirical comment about him, but seeing that he has done the work for me, I can only say this: thank you. Thank you so much for saying that you'll still be a pedophile when you're written up as a sex offender. That's just fine with me, except your life will be ruined and you'll be watched and monitored by people who will make sure you don't touch kids. Thank you so much for making a fool out of yourself. You were really cute there, getting all fussy and whiny about my facts. You're like one of those teddy roxspin dolls who try and yell at the kid, but the kid just laughs back.

As usual, my fans know what to do. Tell The Super Adventure Club how awesome they are and how much we love their prescence on the net! Keep bringing this traffic to me, 1000 hits over the weekend and emails about how much of a hero I am for saying something as simple as fuck you. This rocks.

grey.fox37@gmail.com

Summer Over, Back To Work

Scoping the net and listening to NPR at work has gathered more for my satire. Here is what to look foward to:

AOL's awesome fuck up

Your Blog Sucks: We Are Made For Your Entertainment

Your Blog Sucks: I Take Pride In Being An E-Whore

College Football Previews for Notre Dame and Arizona

More to follow

Thursday, August 03, 2006

The Nine Floors Of Whores Chronicles

If you've attended or plan on attending college at the University of Arizona, you should be aware of the story of a building....a very frightening building which very name strikes fear into the hearts of clean men and women everywhere...and that building is:

CORONADO RESIDENCE HALL!!!!!

To sum up what Coronado is, our crack team of scientists here at The Truth have come up with a simple equation that best represents what to expect at this "dorm"

Coronado Hall (Picture Unavailible) + Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting = Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Syphillis, bingo!

The Truth will now share a time when the Syphillis was first met and discovered.

Just one week after my arrival at UA, I was already invited to a party on my birthday to celebrate. I was so excited since it was going to be my very first college party. I wasn't going to drink, since I was only 19 and I heard the stories about how hard cops around the campus were on underage drinking, but boy was I ready to party! I dressed up in my baggy jeans, a white t-shirt with my tan button shirt over it, and a bucket hat my roomate provided and off we went on our magical journey across campus!

I asked my friend, Shelton, where we were going to celebrate my birthday and he told me we were going to the Coronado Halls to party with two really hot chicks who were throwing a bash and going to sing happy birthday to me. Wow, two hot babes were going to take time out of their drinking and fucking to sing to lil' ol' me! We walked along 4th street past the math and astronomy buildings and finally came upon the majestic nine story dorm hall known as Coronado!

Immediately, I was overwhelmed at the mass crowd out front. They stood around as if preparing to take back UA from some unknown enemy, I had no idea. My ears caught wind of fasicinating tales ranging from how John's cock tasted like cat shit to how loose Monica's asshole was after only two nights of ramming it with vasaline. Truly wonderous these fables were and oh, how excited I was to have the two sirens sing happy birthday to me!

And before you knew it, after wading through the crowds of intoxicated youngsters did we make it upon the dorm room of the two chicks, Jennifer and Stephanie. Jennifer was a regular drinker who loved to dress in Gucci attire since her daddy gave her whatever she wanted, where as Stephanie had to work for her Chanel perfumes and Victoria's Secret underwear, for she was a stripper down at the Empress just trying to earn "cash for college." Jennifer was very wobbly as she shook my hand and brought me close for a birthday kiss, but I immediately hesitated as I noticed a sore on her cheek. I asked her if someone had hurt her and she said her blasted ex gave her syphillis.

My eyes widened, my throat swallowed a huge lump, and a wave of terror struck my body. Shelton had asked me what was wrong and instantly I screamed...

"THE SYPHILLIS HAS EVOLVED INTO A PSEUDO-HUMAN FORM!!!!!!"

I ran screaming from the building, more syphillis humans staring at me as I worked my way down the stairs and out into the courtyard, where I announced:

"THE SYPHILLIS OF CORONADO IS MADE OF PEOPLE...PEOPLEEEEEEE!!!!"

I ran as fast as I could back to my dorms, like Paul Revere riding the countryside to warn the colonists of the Brittish coming. Having made it out alive, I gave a sigh of relief and swore to write about my findings and studies in the future.

Coronado was later dubbed by me as "Nine floors of whores." Its name originates from the fact that

a. The building has nine floors
b. The building is a site of whore gathering

I decided to study how these Pseudo-Human syphillis had been given access to staying in this dorm in the first place. Spying on a student interview revealed this:

Dorm Hall Assigner: Wow, it says here you are an engineering major and a dance minor, how nice!
Syphillis: Hehe, yup! I've always wanted to know how they engineered lipstick and they finally have classes where I can get good grades for shaking my ass!
Dorm Hall Assigner: Yup, you're set for life until you're 26 and loose as a goose. Let's see...OH! You checked off whore, you're going to Coronado!
Syphillis: Oooo, Coronado! Sounds French!

It is a simple process on the housing form. Check off whore and you're in there no matter what your major/GPA/Breast Size is.

There was a night where I was with a group of friends who wanted to go to Park student union right near Coronado for some dinner. Instantly, I froze, for fear of coming across the Syphillis again. However, my little band of street urchins, the Park Street Irregulars, informed me that on Saturday nights, there was no fear, for the syphillis was out and about, speading its word and lips to others.

The greatest discovery of all, however, came from Doctor Pancakes himself. While doing deep field test studies and computer simulation, he came to the conclusion that in the event that an Atomic Bomb were ever dropped in Tucson, the Syphillis would protect its host in a disease encrusted shell around the body, similarly looking like a girl trapped in a slime mold getting raped by two slime penises on the insides. My God, I thought, there is just no stopping the Syphillis from spreading over my Alma Mater!

So, in conclusion, Arizona class of 2010, let me say that if you wish to avoid this humiliation and health risk, please apply to any other dorm on campus (except Hopi. Hopi was full of nerd bags and wasn't worth the fact it was close to the football field. I know from experience and still regret that choice). However, if sleeping with Syphillis and drinking Keystone Light instead of a real manly beer is your idea of a good time, then by all means, go to Coronado, fag! :D

grey.fox37@gmail.com