Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Today Is My Birthday....And I'm Getting Drunker!

Is what Darrell Hammond from SNL ssaid as he hilariously portrayed the old dude from A&E's Biography. But, anyway, I'm 23 today and I've got a nice night ahead of me full of food, friends, fun, gifts to return to K-Mart, and lots of kinky sex. I'll be making updates on Sunday, since work is getting a bit tougher at the start of September and College Football is happenin' on Friday and Saturday. Here's a little sneak peek at the future topics:

When Hurricane Katrina Is Over, It's Back To Future Sorority Slut, Natalie Halloway

Deuce Bigalow Sucks As A European Gigolo

Four Brothers Proves Detroit Police Are Figments Of Your Imagination

Wedding Crashers Is The Funniest And Most Boner-Inducing Movie Of The Year

College Dorm Life Is Over-hyped And Gay

If You Didn't Make Rush, You Are A Loser For Caring

Until then, I'm gonna enjoy my Birthday

Friday, August 26, 2005

Grey Fox's Movie/Game Review Guide

The summer is coming to a close and I've seen some pretty damn good movies and played some good games. I feel its time to begin some reviews on this site. The following is a guide as to how I rate each category.

Movies: Acting, Directing, Plot, Extras

Rating Scales: 1-5 Stars

***** Must See Movie/In or will be in Grey Fox's Movie Library
**** Good movie/Grey Fox library potential
*** Medicore/Will only see it if its part of a series Grey Fox is following
** See it once/Grey Fox was dragged into seeing it
* Grey Fox knows never to see it/Has seen it and is stabbing eyes out

Games

Graphics 1-5

5 Explosive
4 Decent
3 Nothing new
2 Outdated
1 Legoland

Sound

5 Realisitc
4 Decent
3 Average
2 Unrealisitc
1 Mars Volta

Playing Style

5 Innovating
4 Good
3 The Usual
2 Uncaptivatingly Basic
1 Headaches

Plot And Characters

5 Movie Worthy
4 Believable To An Extent
3 Medicore
2 Uncreative
1 Brittney Spears "Crossroads"

Extra Goodies: Fun factor, special effects, great characters, great story, etc

That's it for this guide. Now, some movie quickie reviews:

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (****)

Fun to watch, hard to follow at points, laughable lines, but, a semi-decent way to go out with a bang

Batman Begins (*****) Grey Fox's Best Of Summer 2005 Award

Christian Bale must be Batman from now on. Follows some true points to Bruce's origins. Good villains, nice acting, return of the dark atmosphere and feel that the first two brought.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (****1/2)

Johnny Depp must get an Oscar for his role. Good actor for Charlie, laughed through the whole movie, follows book decently (but its a movie, so, who cares if its not all accurate. Oh wwait, nerds do, I forgot).

Detailed reviews of Wedding Crashers and Four Brothers coming soon.

Update: I Am Also A Posing Wigger!

Not only are you just plain stupid for choosing not to like Mars Volta, but you also become a posing wigger! My new fan, Anderson, has been crying all over his pillow, surrounded by his Ben Folds Five posters, about how much of an asshole I am for dropping him a line with my OPINION about Mars Volta. Society is great: mainstreamers throw fits and cry like babily girls if their music/anime/video games/wrist cutting gets insulted by someone who doesn't like it. Assholes, like me, at least had the brains to pull the stick out of their asses and sit back and chill when something they like is "assaulted." It doesn't really matter anyway, as anyone who tries to defend something as petty as music is a closet homo. "But wait, Grey Fox, that's a stab at musicians and homosexuals everywhere!" Sure...if you take me seriously. But, to be serious for one little moment, anyone who takes opinions too far and gets mad over them has serious issues to begin with.

To get more onto the point, let me show you a typical conversation Anderson and I wwould have if we met:

Grey Fox: Slipknot sucks.
Anderson: -begins to bash his head repeatively while making obscene noises, then runs to his room to cry and begins to think about that chick he used to date, so, he blasted repeatitive Mars Volta to drown out his sorrow-

Anderson: Hip-hop sucks, Rammstein sucks, Metallica sucks, Techno sucks
Grey Fox: I know they do, that's why I like them :)

See the differences in our attitudes? Grey Fox played it cool and just allowed him to have his 2 seconds of fame insulting all the music he likes, and then got a jackass response because Grey Fox knows not everyone will like or love his music. Anderson, on the other hand, cannot handle a little opinion from me or from something awful about how bad Mars Volta sucks, and proceeds to use fuck in almost every sentence because he cannot use any other words to vindicate his little tirades.

Let's show some examples. Here, out of boredom and my eternal burden I carry, I wrote this as a joke:

To: carlanderson535@hotmail.com
From: grey.fox37@hotmail.com
yo man u suk,

i cant believe u hav a stick so far up yo azz for havin to git mad over satire and sarcasm. i dunno wat kind of crap u listen to but it must suk ass if u even remotely think the mars volta's music is good. u have no taste and u should die and burn in hell for talkin to lowtax lik dat.

Grey Fox

By the way, I hope you liked the way I fixed most of your grammar mistakes on that to make it worse (but we all know that's what you really wanted to type like). Maybe if you focused on your grammar more, he'd give a shit about your lame ass opinion :)

His letter to Dr. Thorpe was horribly written in shorthand, clearly indicating he was another teenager with a mission to get enraged whenever his music, aka, his life before a career at Taco Bell, is touched upon in a manner that makes him cry. Clearly, I found this to be quite an amusing joke and a great way to help communicate to him in his own language. Saldy, he did not take well upon it:

Dude i don't even know where to start with you. First of all you make no fucking sense at all. Whoever did this review on The Mars Volta's France the Mute obviously doesn't know music or wouldn't know it if I fucking slapped him in the face with it. He and you probably listen to shit thats afraid to expriment and sounds the same on every fucking album if they even made it past one album and those that did are probably bands you would never like unless everyone else listened to them. You're probably a posing ass bitch that couldn't make up his mind if you liked something or not, you just choose to go with the flow. Well when you learn what real music is let me know then we'll talk but untill then shut your fucking mouth. You and "lowtax" whoever the fuck that is. He can shut his damn mouth too while your at it. Well I hope the spelling is good enough for you you illiterate son of a bitch. peace out..

Fuck Count: 4
Stupidity Rating: Up to 75%

Two words in response to this: simply AMAZING. I have no idea how this kid has survived for as long as he has, but, it makes me wish I sent a better email to him. Well, no worry, in my last one, I gave him a link to this page so he and all my adoring fans can see how much of a dork he really is.

He doesn't know where to begin with me, he says. Its fairly simple: don't respond to me and it'll all be over. Unfortunately, being a teenager means taking everything seriously, even jokes (also, he must have a history of brain damage in his family, poor chap). His rage about me making no fucking sense at all and being an illiterate son of a bitch (which happens to be a Jay-Z lyric from Big Pimpin, surprise, surprise) really makes me laugh. After seeing how poor the grammar was on his rant on the Something Awful site, I figured I could communicate with him by writing to him in his own language. I also love how he claims I go with the flow, especially after he did as I told him to and wrote clearer. Boy, for someone who blames others for going with the flow, he sure doesn't know how to take responsibility for his pussy actions! Yeah, wow, I sometimes listen to mainstream hip-hop and download it later because apparently, I have no taste in music, just because its hip-hop. That's really funny, because I happen to enjoy it too of my own free will, but, we have to listen to Carl Anderson because he listens to "real" music like Mars Volta and his favorite local bands that sing incoherent death metal about how painful life is when they don't even have lives yet and live at home, wasting their parent's money. The best part was, I got called a "posing ass bitch" because I don't like Mars Volta. Well, folks, it turns out that now if you like anyone but Mars Volta, you are a "posing ass bitch" because Carl Anderson, age 14, told you so.

The reply I sent him is not as good as what I wrote here, but, I do prove one valid point and I decided to be nicer to him:

But you're the one ending it with "peace out," a term used commonly by blacks, hip-hopsters, or wiggers (and they listen to the same sounding stuff too!). Oops, looks like you wasted your time responding to me! If you can't handle sarcasm, then just go cry on your little pillow about how you lost your Mars Volta CD and it got you through life instead of killing yourself like the emo you are :). I'm going to post your fan mail on my webpage as well, since you're such a super stud.

I gave him advice, I left him a nice comment, and I proved a valid point. Case closed? Unfortunately, no. This is what I got tonight:

wow you fucking idiot. you said that they listen to the same sounding stuff too. that must mean you do. and apparently i dont listen to the same sounding stuff cause i listen to the mars volta and i never heard any band that sounds anything close to what their sound is. im definately not black, i hate hip-hop, and i dont ever want to be known as a wigger, which your probably one or more of the three. and dude what the hell are you talking about sarcasm? do you know the fucking definition of sarcasm or would you like me to tell you? i can take sarcasm but nothing that i got from you was sarcasm so shut the fuck up. im not an "emo" either, you dont even fucking know me. just cause i like the fucking mars volta makes me emo and want to kill myslef? fuck you man. oh and please do tell me what kinda of music you listen to. you insult my kind of music but never talk of your own? is it because its all pointless, boring, and the same shit over and over? i wouldn't doubt if it were. if you knew anything about anything in music or anything you might not sound so fucking stupid.

The object of war is to make you die like the bitch you are.
(i hope you like how i revised this for you i think it suits you very well)

Its cool to see my humor is being used back at me. It shows that Carl Anderson, age 14, wants to be like Grey Fox. I corrected his grammar, he corrected my email sig. What an good samaratan he is! Good doggie, jump through the hoop!

Fuck Count: 7
Stupidity Rating: 86%
Chances Of This Kid Finding A Woman: 2%

I had to give him a little chance, since I am so nice. Its offical now, folks, if you do not like Mars Volta, you know NOTHING about music. Carl Anderson, age 14, has set the terms of life and we must abide to him, for he knows a greater music than we do. Anything that no one has heard of or is not mainstream is so cool and mysterious and, as Carl Anderson, age 14, tries to be secretly proving, a boost in ego. Its sad that teens feel that uncommon groups make them so unique and cool, even though its just like following the media to your grave. Just because I and several other people happen to like some forms of hip-hop and heavy metal, does not make us sheep (but, to most college preps, it does). Wow, so, listening to The Game means I have no soul of my own, despite the fact he has a good beat to me? Whew, stunning! And yes, because I am giving him a hard time, it DOES mean I listen to the same stuff. Since I don't listen to Mars Volta, the most unique group on the face of the planet that steals beats of RayLynch's, I suddenly and magically am MAINSTREAM! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! His logic is incredible, so incredible, it makes me want to jack off and shoot all over some Mars Volta CDs because his fans are so die hard and with it in the modern age of bullshit music. Finally, opinions are now insults as well. Saying that Mars Volta sucks, as an opinion, resulted in this poor child to scream in agony, thus causing his parents to tell him to go to sleep and turn the damn computer off to save electricity. Say hello to one of the many leaders of generation XX, fans! What a bright future we have!

This is the email I sent just now. I had my lawyer, Miss Aya Pixie, go over this email with me during our private time:

I've analyzed this email with my lawyer, Miss Aya Pixie. She has come to the conclusion, while tying me up in my basement and commiting her dominatrix routine, that you are in desparate need of getting laid by a man. She referred to your tirade of "over and over again, same old bullshit" music as a closet cry for help. I think what she was trying to say in between my spankings, since I am a now a bad boy posing wigger who listens to the same stuff over and over, despite the fact I never listen to Linkin Park, Evanescence, or some loser named MarsVolta, is that your little speech was about the most delicious homosexual defense she has read in a good while. She has given me a list of places where you can score in the states with plenty of other emo/child molestor/furry/male mayo lovers who will make every single one of your fantasies come true. I would give them to you now, but, it seems that you feel I do not understand what sarcasm is, even when I use it...like right now...maybe...I don't know, let me check my iPod list full of my repeating techno/hip-hop/heavy metal and see if I can find lyrics that can be used to translate to your emo-ness. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go back to listening to all my repeating crappy music like Metallica, Rammstein, The Game, Jay-Z, and so on,since they all suck, but, in reality, they are just like every other group in their genre, aka, not your cool and awesome super fantasmical "non-repeating" music!

All My Stupid Love,

Grey Fox "The Bitch/American War Nerd"

The object of war is not to get mad at Anderson, its to play with Anderson's cock and balls!!!
--Quote Receited From Miss Aya Pixie's former gay roomate

I feel we did a great job translating Carl Anderson, age 14's retort. We also had some fun in changing my sig again! I can't wait to see what else he can come up with so I can drink my morning apple juice and squirt it out my nose from laughing at this super stud. Well, its time to go back to listening to my crappy, "mainstream" music because I have no will of my own....my own....my own.....

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Uh oh, I'm An American War Nerd!

Ever heard of Mars Volta? Yeah, he really sucks bad, doesn't he? He sucks as much as I suck for hating him. We are a big suck of sucking sucks that suck! Apparently, sending humor out (as something awful knows) and opinions about others to the public, or even to them, is against the law. You see, having your own opinion in any country today makes you a criminal because you don't run along with the mainstream pack. Oh, shame on all of us "outcasts" for having our own thoughts!

Anyway, as I was scoping out Something Awful at work a week ago, I noticed another "fan mail" response link go up on their link, "Your Band Sucks." Thinking that it was going to be on something different, I clicked the link, only to have my jaw drop and long amounts of chuckle escape my throat at people STILL upset with the Mars Volta review.

Last month, Dr. Thorpe reviewed Mars Volta in his usual humorous and satirical ways. However, a few gentlemen, liberal pussies mainly, screamed and bashed their heads on the sinks of their bathrooms, not to get a part on the sequel to Cyber Seduction, but because their muzak was made fun of. OH JESUS CHRIST, SOMEONE MADE FUN OF MUSIC, EVEN THOUGH IT HAPPENS EVERY GOD DAMN DAY! I'M GONNA GO CUT MY WRISTS BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES MY CRAP TASTE!

The best part about reading the responses from the many fans is that their e-mails are left to the open public. Now, I feel that since they can e-mail total strangers with their love and admiration, I can too! Therefore, I e-mailed a chap by the name of "bogussounds" with my love and admiration:

To:bogussounds@gmail.com
From: grey.fox37@gmail.com
Subject: Mars Volta

Hmmm.
I just read your email about "The Mars Volta" and realised that I hadn't read anything so childish and naive since I began reading just yesterday! YAY ME, I GET A POPSICLE FROM THE FREEZER NOW! I also noticed you claim you know about music and you claim he doesn't know anything, when the truth of the matter is, this is a site for satire and sarcasm. If you don't like the fact that he makes fun of things you like, I like, and everyone else likes, go back to Russia. If that doesn't work out, see if you can get a job at Green Peace. I heard they have jobs for liberal whiners like you that want to ruin everyone's lives.Send me a song about yours. I'd LOVE to hear how much of a talented and creative person you are, although that is unlikely for someone who gets upset over one little review and thinks he is a genius to tell people like Lowtax that he is an idiot. Have fun with your turtle!

Your loving fan,

Grey Fox

--The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his

I thought this e-mail was sound and fair, seeing that he couldn't handle one little fucking review about a crap musician (if we can call him that). I wasn't expecting a response, but, well, seeing as how cool and sexy and super fantastic I am, I got a reply:

To:grey.fox37@gmail.com
From: bogussounds@gmail.com

Subject: Mars Volta

Follow the link.
Yes i am a musician and record producer.
Thanks for your extremely useless and wasteful remarks.
No I don't claim that the Dr. was in actual fact musically inept, I was just saying what it appeared to me.
I'm sure a turtle would be fun.
NO I don't claim i am a genius.
Yes i am th leader of th New Zealand peace corp. so applying for a job at green peace would be a very dumb thing to do.
I didn't intend the message as hate mail, i wasn't even aware that he posted emails on his site.
~A
www.killthezodiac.netfirms.com
By the way, sarcasm is technically not a form of humour.

He claims it wasn't a hate mail, and yet, he called Dr. Thorpe "childish and naive." SOUNDS PRETTY HATEFUL TO ME! This guy also thinks he is so funny and witty playing along with me in my sarcasm, but, sadly, he proves one sad detail that totally invalidates any argument from here on: he is from New Zealand. I wasn't going to get racial, since he wasn't being racial himself. I love how he said joining Green Peace would be a dumb idea when he is already a member of the New Zealand Peace Corp. I looked up this stuff, and, minus the eco-friendly stuff, they operate and act the SAME way Green Peace does! Yes, they whine, bitch, and do whatever it takes to make people cry for being human. The final comment of sarcasm being technically not a form of humor is the most irrelevant line in the e-mail. You can say, the sky isn't blue, 1+1 does not equal 2, or Brittney Spears is the greatest pop singer of our shit generation. SARCASM IS FUNNY, REGARDLESS OF HOW YOU PERCEIVE IT. Finally, I followed the link and my GOD, his music...well...noises, to be honest, were causing my ears to quiver from the quaking tremors of pain it was causing.

Clearly, he had to be warned, so, I wrote back:

Ha ha ha ha, no problem. That's what I am here for, to waste remarks on people so "intelligent" and "cool" as you are.

By the way, I've heard better music from a child's harmonica than the rubbish you compose. Nice hustle on the reply, too!

This time, I was nice enough to comment his superior intellect and also warn him of his horrendous music. Unfortunately, he took further offense and replied with this:

Thanks.
Tell you what, check out the link in 2 years and we'll see what usless remarks you come up with then.
WOW, American war nerds, that's a new one, we don't have those in N.Z
Yes it was a hustle (I presume).


Holy used condoms, Batman, HE USED AN ETHNIC SLUR! After being so nice and the build up on his response even started with a thanks, I end with such sadness and anger from this poor kiwi. UH OH, I USED AN ETHNIC SLUR ON HIM AS WELL! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. Upon reading his comment on the two year fame he will never have, I will take him up on his offer, as long as he gives out free beer and money for his flash in the pan fame, he wants so bad. However, I am not going to give my hopes up on waiting at my computer day after day, anticipating his "future." Suddenly, when I got to line 3, I dropped my Thompson M1928 I cling to everyday because I am an American War Nerd awaiting the return of the Red Coats. Oh no, I'm an American War Nerd now! SAY IT AN'T SO, BOGUS, SAY IT AN'T SO! I can't believe that pro-war fellows are so doomed! I mean, look at our patriotic country full of wusses and rebels, compared to the wonderful "fush n' chups" pussies of New Zealand! While we are prepared to kick Al Queda's ass and then rule the world because we are the "evil dominating invaders of America," they're preparing to fuck sheep the moment the Prime Minister gets out of his room and puts some damn pants on for once! Let's see, fuck sheep or fight for safety of people and our investments? Hm, what a tough choice!

I replied, laughing at him for continuing to respond to me. He stopped, getting the picture that I am a "stubborn, American War Nerd." I can't wait until he dies of skin cancer from the ozone hole above his little island, thus rendering his career over, as it should be.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Interesting, But Your Point To My Rant Is...?

I got a comment about my rant on those Potentisers. It was an interesting read about biometrics. However, I am still at a loss as to what his/her/its point was in association to my rant. Doctor Pimp and I sat down together and came up with these possible solutions:

He/she/it wanted fame that his/hers/its comment would gain mention (and look, it is!)

He/she/it wanted me to be informed on biometrics, even though I took a class on it my senior year in college (Network Security)

He/she/it left a hidden message in it that I was going to be killed by the Radionic Potentisers Company very soon

He/she/it left it because they saw my profession in my profile

He/she/it is a retarded coconut and had nothing better to do than post something on biometrics

Well, that sums it up. Hopefully, upon further analysis of his comment (which can be viewed under my previous post), some light can be shed to what secret cracker jack code he left in the message. I better get out my Little Orphan Annie Top Secret Decoder Ring while I drink some ovaltine tonight and crack the code!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

No More Hospital Trips Thanks To Radionic Potentisers!

Radionic Potentisers are the wave of the future, people! No longer do you need to buy expensive health insurance that ACTUALLY saves your life when you can have a $400+ garage door opener that can solve all your needs!

How does it work? It's simple! All you need to do is talk to it, lay a hair clipping or a photograph on the garage opener and, HEY PRESTO! I DON'T HAVE HERPES ANYMORE! NOW I DON'T NEED TO WATCH THOSE COMMERCIALS ON TV AND SUPRESS MY GENITAL HERPES! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

What's even more wonderful is, these folks operate in my hometown! Hallenujah, oh, happy day! Now I can go to them to have my oranges "potentised" instead of squeezing them against my eye the old fashioned way!

Not convinced? Then, look no further! Here is the simplest explaination in the world that a toddler can understand! If you don't understand this simple and on-topic explaination, then, you're a loser to Potentisers EVERYWHERE!

Question: How do I know if the gadget really works?
Answer: Most people who work with vibrational medicine find at some time it helps to be able to dowse, usually with a pendulum, or to use muscle testing to find out if a remedy helps. If you can dowse with a pendulum ask it, "Does the Voice Potentiser work"? If you cannot please ask someone to dowse the question for you. I ask you to take on trust that this device is all that it is claimed to be, and I am certain you will not be disappointed!


WOW, I'M CONVINCED! I'M GOING TO GO BUY ONE RIGHT AWAY!

God, people are so stupid and gullible....

On a further note, I decided to look up "Potentiser" on the internet. The word does not even exist. Therefore, my lawyer, Miss Aya Pixie, has allowed me to have a patent on this word, so, if that webpage continues to post that word, I can sue them and make lots of money smashing garage door openers they own. Here is my definition for "Potentiser"

Potentiser- A hippy term referring to a product that is shaped like a garage door opener and claims to create homopatheic remedies, but is a product for the sheep of our gullible society.

Copyrighted 2005 by Don Grey Fox

Freestyle Rap

This is my rap to someone that called me a wigger on a site about me under the my alias Nash!

(Raps to the instrumental of The "Incredible" by Fat Joe & Just Blaze)

Yo, recently I was called a ligger with a W/
ive gotten PMs following say why does it trouble you/
the fact that they got lies mixed up and convinced a couple of you/
so i decided to take it here and spit them out like Double Chew/
Gotta admit im pissed/
but theyre my inspirations/
these fools that think of girls but only cum to hand vibrations/
Exig3, the brit, watches a few Cali movies here and there/
typing stereotypes about blacks thinking he's an american i swear/
what a fucking dumb ass for saying since im white/
what type of music i should like/
and how i should talk and write/
i dont listen to you im own man/
youre just a pussy with a stache thats actually a shem/
with a dick like a pencil/
talkin about what size condom you fit into/
when in reality your hand the only thing thats fucked you/
but ive got a few more on my radar that dont know me/
but think they do and i wont name names and add them to exig's gay crew/
a group that puts those down that might be a little different/
and dont know what ive been through that explains how i talk and think/
my talk and swagger is as natural as my cough or my eye's blink/
but im filled with so much energy and zeal for life/
that they could try a thousand times to cause me strife/
but i'll dust my sholders off while fucking with their lives/
so i wrap this joint up saying im ready for war/
ive got no scars from your hate, i feel damn untouchable/
but i'll have you backing off saying 'we've had enough of you/

see i have cats that i hang with/
that know what im about/
theyd be shocked that im on here talkin with such a potty mouth/
because this beef which was started by closeminded people/
that began shit looking down on me sayin im not an equal/
im a fraud he says/
but dude on here tells his friends he knows america to showboat/
his dumb ass in november probably tried to give bush his vote/
but those that hate me are scheisty/
and those that have my back/
id give you my own tee off my back.

I got the streets on smash,
wankstaz on this site watching me roll past
The bitches they all gasp saying!
"Once again back is the incredible" (dammmn right!)
"The incredible - the incredible"
I got the heat on blast, love the seats reclining on that mean G4
Cause down in Arizona they saying!
"Once again back is the incredible" (dammmn right!)
"The incredible - the incredible"

Nash is a rebel on this beat
Nash is a rebel on this beat

dr. pimp is coming straight outta tucson. watching out for him in the october 'the source' magazine..

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Apparently, Scientists Say 21 Is The Proper Age To Start Drinking, Buttttttt....

Having gone to the Univeristy of Arizona, I know how pressuring it was to drink underage and how tempting it was as well (I didn't start until I was 20 years and 4 months). When I was a Freshman, I didn't drink because I had just gotten into the college of my dreams and I didn't have a wish to end it so soon like my wonderful "friends" from the center wing at Hopi Lodge, 2001-02 (poor Daniel Leathers being one of them). After my first semester, Sophomore year, I split and hung low, not out of fear, but, to re-adjust my sociality. I had realized I was being shoved around by small-dicked, arrogant muscle heads who's only life ambition was to fuck as many women as possible and try making me feel jealous about it (I put on a nice act that I was, just for kicks).

To say the least, I had a lot of one week relationships with hot babes my Freshman year that ended when I wouldn't put out (thus, making me feel depressed and sad in front of people at Hopi. I never told a soul because I knew no one would believe me). Oh well, I'm engaged now and that's all that matters.

Anyway, I had left Hopi Lodge and moved into a very nice apartment complex in the foothills in January of 2003. The commute to school was longer, but, I was ready to start anew. Around that time, my interests in anime subsided (I had realized I needed to tone down talking about it, but still like it), I still loved games, and I was able to find more things to talk about with people. After a few weeks, I had a ton of people coming into my apartment for partying, chatting, and so on. I had no need to look for a girlfriend, since I already had one, so, socializing was a lot easier than before.

Everything began to click into place: my grades improved (they were good before, but I was getting better GPAs), I had a variety of people to talk to, ranging from gamers to anime fans to sports chums and even chicks who shared their problems with me. I had never felt so alive until then.

One night, I threw a back to school party for my junior year. I figured we all needed one last hurrah before hittin the books again. By that time, I had been drinking regularly for 8 months and still hadn't gotten drunk (I'd rather laugh at people than be laughed at to be honest). It was eight days before my 21st, but I wanted to party early. Unfortunately, we were loud and obnoxious, and wouldn't you know it, the Tucson Police arrive right on scehdule and MIP (Minor In Possession) about 15 people at my party. Luckily, my buddies weren't arrested for providing the booze, as I mentioned the previous owner had a secret stash of it in this place (I found a 6 pack of fat tire when I moved in, so, technically, it wasn't a lie). Ironically enough, several more students were MIPed as well, thus making it one of the biggest busts in Tucson history.

The cool part about it was my court date was a Saturday, which meant the cop that cited me was being generous (no court on weekends), knowing that I was close to my legal birthday and that my BAC (Blood Alcohol Content) was only .01 (I had 1 1/2 drinks. I partied hard, but didn't feel like drinking too much). I also got to keep my breath tube, which I am planning on turning into a necklace (It's a good luck charm for how lucky I was to get off the hook). I only got a warning from the UA and then went about my happy life once again.

Now, I am not spreading a moral around for this little tale, but, if you absolutely MUST have one, then it would be: "If you wanna drink underage, go for it, just don't be loud or with strangers."

I went off on a dull tangent there, whew. Where was I? OH YES! Lookie here, I've got two new partners in crime joining me on my quest to destroy the world and point out how utterly despicable you mainstream sheep are! Snaps for Sanity and her punch towards Brittney Spears wanna-be teen girls!

Now, let's get to the point. I've recently read an article out of The Daily Wildcat (my university's newspaper) that made some of the FUNNIEST loads of shit I have EVER read about underage drinking. Cops have magically turned into professors with an astute knowledge of alcohol, if you get caught for having a beer, you get sent into a fantastic program to take a highly pretentious class on the effects of alcohol (which I assume is full of watching videos and reading shit inclined in putting you in absolute fear to ever touch a beer again), and even have counselors that will talk with your "problem" as to why you drank that one and only beer that night out of just feeling like it.

So, now, its time to point out how ridiculous and wrong many of the statements mentioned in the article are.

UAPD's Web site reports an average of 227 liquor violations per year and an average of 50 DUIs per year from 2000-2003.

And I was one of them! FUCK ME NOW LADIES, I'M SO COOL FOR GETTING MIPED!!!!!!

According to UAPD Officer Chris Scheopner, the body can't process alcohol properly under the age of 21.
The age of legal consumption, is not just something "picked," Scheopner said. Scientific tests prove that 21 is an age at which the body can start "dealing with alcohol in its system."


Whoa, whoa, whoa! Let me see if I got this right; we suddenly have turned to police officers who make 29.5 grand a year and are usually high school dropouts for our "scientific advice?" What the FUCK is wrong with this country???? I don't need to hear any "scientifc advice" pouring out of an officer's mouth. Their job is plain and simple and only requires this line: "You drink underage, you'll get cited." THAT'S IT. They don't need to go around and spread the word of some propagandist bullshit they heard on the radio and suddenly think they are the smartest and most powerful beings on the face of this Earth. We already have plenty of "big heads" on this planet. Just do your damn job, don't be a pseudo-intellectual. Oh, and guess what? Canada and Australia said 18 is the proper age for alcohol to begin normal processes in the body. OHHHHHHHHHHHHH, WHAT'S UP WITH THAT? I WAS LEAD TO BELIEVE IT WAS 21 BY THE OFFICER/PROFESSOR??? GUESS THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX WORKS AFTER ALL!!!

When a first-offending UA student is arrested in this fashion by UAPD, the Dean of Students Office offers a diversion program to protect the student from developing a criminal record.
The student arrested will be referred to the program, and he or she can avoid being involved in county legal processes and consequences by admitting fault, Sheopner said.
"It's intended to be in-house to avoid involvement with the courts... It's to look out for the students," Scheopner said. "Look, you messed up, it happens, but you're going to get another chance."

The diversion program typically entails fines, community service and counseling.

Oh yeah, bra-VO. Poor little Billy had one drink and only one drink that night and he's gettin cited because this is his first time EVER getting caught. He restrains himself, despite the fact of being underage, just to have one so he can loosen up a bit and suddenly, he runs a HIGH risk of having a criminal record!!! OH BILLY, YOU'VE LET YOUR FAMILY DOWN BY DRINKING ONE BEER EVERYTIME YOU GO TO A PARTY. YOUR LIFE IS OVER!!!! But wait, Billy, its not too late! The wonderful Dean of Students at UA has a diversion program for you! You get to dodge court since you're a responsible chap! You're going to be sent to an alcohol diversion program! Great, no court for Billy! But, what's this? Fees when your tuition is already too high? Community service when you have classes to attend so you can get a degree and LIVE LIFE PROPERLY???? Counseling for only having one beer and you're being told you are a drunken loser for doing it??? And, wait, there's more! There are classes you have to attend, interfering with your study time so you can PASS and not end up like TONY PRESLEY??? Whoa, the videos are terrible too! They make bold assumptions and make up mythical instances just to frighten you, but not help you! WOW, COURT IS LOOKING BETTER AND BETTER! Come on, half the time, these minors only have a little to drink and all of the sudden, they're treated like major criminals and made to feel bad about one beer. but, wait, Grey Fox, one beer can lead to many! Yeah, sure, if you're a fucking suicidal moron, college cutie, or jock, like Daniel Leathers, who thinks they can get away with anything, but are, in reality, big losers who end up working at a position in a bank for the rest of their lives and lie about their income. SOUNDS GREAT TO ME! Keep up the good work, UAPD, you're doing a great job instigating fear in one timers!

Anyone under or over the age of 21 can be charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor. If alcohol is being provided to someone underage at a party or other gathering, the provider is committing a crime. When called to a party, UAPD's usual routine is to find the person throwing the party.
If there is underage drinking at the party, the host can be charged with one or more accounts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, Scheopner said. This charge has been known to be associated with hefty fines.

And most of the time, the wrong person takes the blame, your friends are suddenly not your friends anymore, or, you have the worst luck in the world and some goody two shoed prick tattles the WHOLE damn thing. Look, if you are at a party and the cops want to know who is in charge, keep your fucking mouth SHUT. If you're a true friend, you don't rat out your other friends. The only time you tattle is when someone is pretending to be your friend and treats you like dirt, even though he or she continues to invite you places, but you tend to get constantly avoided regardless. Those aren't true friends and they need to be punished. Yes, it sounds like sinking to their level, but, hey, why give compassion unconditionally to those who don't deserve it? (and in these cases, I am flat out talking about people who have no chance of redemption *aka, Tony*).

National statistics show that 18- to 24-year-old males are at a high risk for alcohol abuse. These are the typical years of college.

Oh, here we go. MALES. MALES MALES MALES! WE ARE SO TERRIBLE!!! This type of talk drives me nuts, regardless of it being true. I know we're "big bad meanies who are made from snips and snails and puppy dog's tails," but we are ALWAYS the ones that take the heat. Women always bitch about equality, EVEN WHEN THEY HAVE IT, and yet, no one says shit about how annoying and uncreative it is. Whenever a man demands equal rights, he's blown off. Why? BECAUSE HE IS A MAN! Let me let you in on a little secret, folks: women drink as much as guys do and act as obnoxious and stupid as men do while intoxicated. Women take advantage of men as much as men do to women under the influence. Women drive drunk and get abusive while drunk as well (I was slapped on a lot by a drunk girl once and I didn't appreciate it. "Oh, she was just trying to be cute, lighten up!" LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Yeah, well, how come when a guy punches a girl playfully, its not cute? Oh right, I forgot, that's domestic abuse. "I was just hitting you while I was drunk to be cute just like you, lighten up, even though it annoys and ridicules you! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL" Bitch). Let's face it, gentlemen, we're horrible creatures of reason that are no better than animals and we should submit to all stereotypes of us. Then, the world will be a better place because utopia and liberal dominance is the GREATEST dream of mankind. Barf...

Beginning in Sept., a grant will allow the center to provide students with a non-judgmental evaluation of their drinking habits. Students can talk with professionals in a comfortable and friendly environment about their drinking habits.
Not only will participating students get paid, they will learn about themselves and alcohol in a very personal way, an area where posters and statistics around campus can often fail.


Wow, getting paid to sell your dignity! This is just as bad as being a guinea pig in a lab or being on one of the worst shows in the history of mankind, Survivor. "But, Grey Fox, you get paid to learn about yourr drunkeness!" Yeah, you're still a whore to sell yourself out to "non-judgemental" people. Here's another word of wisdom from Grey Fox's "Super Book of Infinite Wisdom Hyper Mega Cannon," EVERYONE IS JUDGEMENTAL. I AM JUDGEMENTAL, YOUR TEACHERS ARE JUDGEMENTAL, YOUR PARENTS ARE JUDGEMENTAL, HOMELESS PEOPLE ARE JUDGEMENTAL DEFENSIVELY. I am judgemental only when enough evidence has been gathered to make a bi-partite, logical conclusion. Religious people are judgemental because they are so "superbly eenlightened," they have every right to condemn us all to hell because we don't agree with their mysticism. Those "friendly people" are trying to get you to admit you're a drunk, even if you're not. They judge you right when you enter the door, by your looks, your piercings, your tatoos, your gothic makeup, your football jersey, your coke framed glasses, and so on. Your appearance can sometimes say it all. so, what then? Two options: dress normally, nothing on the shirt or shorts, or DON'T VOLUNTEER.

Watson said when people drink, especially those under the age of 21, they are "beginning an addictive process."

And yet, I still only stick to under 5 drinks at parties, and a drink now and then during dinner or a game. WOW, DR. WATSON, YOU'RE SO COOL AND SMART!

When a woman consumes more then 2 alcoholic beverages a week, she's "increasing the risk of breast cancer," Watson said.

OHHHHHH, WOMAN IS FINALLY MENTIONED! So, when it effects her PHYSICALLY, its ok to talk about it.

Drinking is not recommended, Watson said. There are "no nutritional benefits" to drinking, and there are no physiological benefits.
"Under no circumstances should a college student drink," Watson said.


Then what's the point of alcohol? Seriously, this moron thinks he is making a great point here when he, and this whole article, have just spun themselves into hypocracy. Whatever happened to the whole "drink in moderation or wait until you're legal" bit? This article finished like this and I am not convinced AT ALL. Hell, I don't even know what the point of the article is anymore!!!! It's true, there are no nutritional benefits to drinking alcohol, but, there are PLENTY of physiological benefits. Drinking brings out relaxation, if used responsibly. It loosens you into talking with others and not being afraid of holding back. Drinking also makes food taste better and events more enjoyable. I love watching football or hoops while having a beer with the buddies. Corona makes Mexican food taste outstanding. so, you can go on and blab all you want about there being no point to drink, Dr. Watson. All the incoming idiotic freshmen, especially from California, are gonna be drinking and getting wasted no matter what ANYONE says. A lot of people just don't care, and that's a sad, motherfucking fact of life.

To wrap things up, just fucking drink if you're of legal age, but do it responsibly. Stop giving into this bullshit that its evil and wrong and has no point. Just about everything in existance has a point and if someone doesn't agree with you, smack them upside the head with a rolled up copy of "Right vs. Left-winged Morons."

Sweet 16 Spoiled Brats

All right, that's it, I've had it. Has anyone watched that show "My Super Sweet 16" on MTV? Yes? Okay. Then, what the hell is wrong with these people? Hm? Goddamn it it's so fucking frusterating! I mean, these 16 year old girls prancing around with all the money in the world, and they are STILL fucking bitching about their mom's cutting off their credit cards. "Om my god, my mom totally ruined my birthday!" and they're bursting into tears. These chicks go to these expensive stores that I only DREAM about shopping in. Like Doir and Gucci and Jiki. And they complain about the dress colors, that they are too ugly or "I can't stand the way people are throwing their fashions senses at me. I know what I like, and Jiki is NOT it."
Girl, save it you brat! These bitches get on National TV and show us just how conceited and whiny they can be about having all the money in the world but their parents won't let them spend it the way they want to. Bitches, I'm having a Sweet 16 and people let me tell you, my mother and father are puling the limits for my damn party. These girls bitch about their credit cards getting canceled, honey, I wish I HAD a credit card! Shit, man, these girls get CARS for their birthdays...I'm going to have to get a job, work my ASS off, THEN I can buy a fucking car.
Then, there are these idiotic marriage shows, that we tend to watch when there is nothing else to watch right? Like the whole Jessica & Nick show? What the fuck is that? The show only promotes that Jessica is all we make her out to be: a Hott Blonde, who doesn't know how to cook, is an idiot-airhead, and is the most disgusting person I've ever seen on TV. The same goes for Paris Hilton and her ugly sister.
I'm out bitches, peace.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Greetings! (1st Post)

Well, my buddy Greyfox invited me to his blog. Well, in my opening paragraph, I will just say "expect the unexpected". Yeah, very cliche but there isn't a more accurate phrase for my future blogs. I'm very opinionated (too opinionated some say) and I need a blog like this to vent. When something pisses me off and gives me that fire inside, I will write about it "no holds barred" too, realising that the truth hurts but is often very therapeutic.

I will discuss girls that annoy me in the media like Paris Hilton and Tara Reid. Two overly caffeinated blonde broads that believe the world revolves around them and what they do. News flash for these whores, I could NOT care less about your boob job or your marriage to another shallow person named Paris. I have real issues I must encounter in my life, like, eh school. Like securing my future, you know real people issues.

You see the media has this love-hate complex that breathes life into their programs. They hate Paris Hilton for not doing anything noteworthy but love her for not doing anything noteworthy. Kind of sick, huh? Even the ditsy and air-headed Anna Nicole offered fellow blonde brainiac Jessica Simpson advice in her quest for media attention rivaling Paris Hilton. "The media loves you now but will turn on you." Of course that was probably an edited quote since it seems like Anna is very dependent on Vicodin and other prescription pain-killers for survival a la Montgomery Burns on "The Simpsons" who cheats death on a weekly basis through drugs.

Well, that sums up my feelings tonight. Will entertain you more in the future,

Wreckhavoc!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

hey, im helping out GreyFox!

Hey! I'm helping GreyFox! I'm CloseToInsanity!
I'm going to help him manage his site when he's gone and praise his work, and worship the ground he walks on. No, really, I love his shit, it's badass and it keeps your attention doesn't it? You're damn right. Well, let me tell you a little about myself. I may not be as badass of a writer as GreyFox but I'm pretty sure I can follow up. My dislikes are people who can't fight their own battles, but their mothers can. Damn it those people get on my nerves. I hate ignorant poeple, and I have a shitload of pet peeves that you will soon find out about. I have hundreds of dislikes that I will LOVE to rant about. I can be a REAL bitch about a lot of things, and that's TOO damn bad for you. Well, now that you've gotten to know me just a little bit..await some of my stuff on this site.
peace.

The Five Worst Animes In The History Of Geekind

Ah, anime. A pastime that doesn't consume my life as much as it used to anymore. A pastime that former roomate Daniel Leathers and his irate cousin tried to make me feel bad for so I could become just like them and be an STD farm today! Japanese Animation is fun to watch when there is nothing to do now, rather than do it almost all day. In my experience with anime, I have seen some funny series, some kick ass movies, some incredible gore, and then, some horrifying "otaku fadom super wish show series" that makes me want to bash the heads of every single fan into a brick wall at speeds of 65 MPH. I'm talking about those animes that EVERY teenager sucks off of. Cartoon Netwrok brought Cowboy Bebop, Lupin, and DBZ. They were dubbed, but at least they had decent taste. What followed was an explosion of crap I have never heard of (or have and it STILL sucks). Zatch Bell, FLCL, Beyblade, what is this faggot crap??? MY GOD, WE'VE NOW CREATED LITTLE MONSTERS THAT THINK THIS IS THE COOLEST SHIT ON EARTH WHEN THERE ARE BETTER ANIMES, NAY, BETTER THINGS TO DO IN LIFE!

With that said, here is the lowdown on the five shittiest animes that teens (and adults) love:

5 - Neon Geneis Evangelion (aka Neon Genesuck Evansuckleon)

I used to like this anime. Not a whole lot like former roomate Jordan Matti did, but I liked the mecha in it. Then, I suddenly realized, Shinji (the main character) was not only a whiner and a loser, but a secret closet homo who covered that up by pretending to have a thing for Asuka and Rei. All Shinji does is mope around, especially after the final angel reveals himself (it being one of his close friends....OH MY FUCKING GOD, GREY FOX, YOU SPOILED THE SERIES!!!! FUCK YOU, I'M TELLING!!!!). I have never seen a more annoying character since that two cent slut, Miaka, from Fushigi Yugi. The only thing that redeems this anime from being lower in the bottom 5 are the fight scenes. They took away from the crying and mind-masturbation scenes of Shinji, but then, WHAM, you're back to hearing his regrets and his sadness about how Beavis told him he would score, but he can't!!!! See it if you absolutely MUST listen to those anime nerds who jack off to it every night while they eat funyons and drink mountain dew until they get bloated. Those people are ALWAYS right and ALWAYS the best people to talk to, despite the fact they are social outcasts!

4 - Full Metal Alchemist (aka Full Series of Shit)

The series of a young boy who hears about some magical piece of crap and he journies for it, runs into weird chars, over-proportioned women, blah blah....the "best" part is IT NEVER ENDS! THAT'S RIGHT, YOU GET TO GO ON A FANTASMICAL JOURNEY OF 5 NIGHTS WITHOUT SLEEP HOLDING ONTO YOUR BOWEL MOVEMENTS IN WHAT REPEATITIVE BULLSHIT WILL HAPPEN NEXT, ONLY TO FIND OUT IT ENDS AS ANY OTHER ANIME ENDS, TRAGEDY, UNDERSTANDING, AND FINALLY, SUNSHINE AND UNANSWERED QUESTIONS! Whew, be still my heart. Hold on, I need to go and jerk off to how cool this is....

3 - Fushigi Yugi (aka Fushiti my Yitti)

Miaka and her slave, "Hongo" discover a book while masturbating to futanari magazines. The book is sadly not futanari, but they read it in get sucked into a world of characters dressed VERY homosexually, pedophiliac royality, and incessant whining and scowling from Miaka. Hongo gets sent home at one point, laughing at Miaka's demise, and Miaka has to run around gathering some bullshit to go home before the emperor fucks her in her virgin ass and the merc she has the hots for decapitates her head and dances upon her headless body. Watch it dubbed, and you'll get even more annoyance, fishiness, and sappy crap.

2 - Naruto (aka I wear the band to anime cons)

The bottom two have one thing in common: they attract anime-whores to their teets where they can suckle at them until the series becomes non-profitable or shown to death, much like DBZ sadly. Anime fans to a particular series such as Naruto and the bottom 1 I will reveal after this, flock to these series like sheep or even swarm to them like locusts. At the anime con last September, I could not believe how many Naruto headbands were worn. It was like being in a fucking room full of babies, sucking their pacifiers in unison, all staring at me with that sleepish look they have. No matter who I talked to, it was the same question/answer I got when I was asked or asked what anime you like: "I love Naruto/Full Metal Alchemist/Nutsack 17!; Do you like Naruto/Full Metal Alchemist/Nutsack 17????" LOLOLOLOLOL ^_______________^. Whenever I was asked or was responded with that, I gave each of them a swift kick in the nuts, then smashed their heads into onlookers. I told their parents they watched the porno, Nutsack 17, and then proceeded to spank them for allowing their kids to become otaku/future rapists. Oh wait...I haven't spoken at all about Naruto. If you've seen Kenshin, then think of it like Kenshin, except 50 times the gayness.

AND THE BOTTOM ONE ANIME THAT EVERY KID/TEEN/ADULT/FUTRE IN-MATE LOVES AND I HATE!!!

1- Fruits Basket (aka Every Sane Man's Nightmare/"The Fangirl Show")

History shows a long line of heartbreakers that appeal to women. The Beatles, George Michael, New Fags on the Block, N'Stink, and Fruitstreet Boys all have made girls have multiple orgasms until they all realized they were just flashes in the pan and mainly gay (minus The Beatles of course, since they were awesome after their younger years). But then, what makes anime women break out into multiple orgasms? They don't follow mainstream crap because they are "too cool/intelligent/geeky/suicidal/annoying" to follow it! This is where Fruits Basket comes in. Judging by the guesses in the name, you are right. This anime is chuck full of homosexual goodness! This "cute" girl's mom dies and she lives in a fucking tent,. yet, can still afford to go to school DESPITE THE FACT SHE LIVES IN A FUCKING TENT UNDERAGE WITHOUT A MOTHER!!! She has the hots for some purple eyed/haired faggot who, if that is what girls want men to look like, count me the fuck OUT. Moving on, she is offered to live in his home and then, here is where the series TOTALLY goes Ranma 1/2. IF SHE HUGS THE GUY, HE TURNS INTO A MOUSE, INDUCING ALL THE FEMALES IN AN AUDIENCE TO GO, "AWWWWW, KAWAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII LOLOLOLOLOL ^___________________________________________^!!!" And in return, it induces vomit up into my mouth to spray all of them with. Oh, there's more, a Shinto fag who turns to a dog, and a red head queer in overalls who hates the purple headed dude because he turns into a , dun dun dun daaaa!!!! RED CAT! OH MY FUCKING GOD, HOW CUTE, LET'S ALL GO HOME AND MUTUALLY MASTURBATE!!!!! Come on, Ranma 1/2 was awesome. Why did Fruits Basket have to steal Ranma's jive turkeyness?????

So, there you have it, the five bottom feeders of anime history. There are more anime series that suck, but, if I continue to write on this topic, I'll have a sudden urge to go put on a Naruto headband and walk around town speaking japanese and cosplaying.