Highlights Of The Week February 27-March 3
I've come up with yet another delicious category that will hold you idiots who keep e-mailing me to update over for a while. I'm moving into a new house, so, I'll probably be gone for a week. Yay for my enemies, boo for my allies :(.
I've decided I need to do some humorous one-liners about events during the week, whether it be the news or something in my life. So, let's see what the wonderful twits are supplying me with this week!
Michigan - A teacher and a few students broadcasted the dangers of My Space to students using the internal cable channel of the school. The show sent the message of watching your back due to predators and it should never be used...especially after they had to cut the broadcast due to one of the student's using the teacher's account as an example, showing her in a black corset and containing a list of students on her "naughty list."
Sheboygan - A homeless man was arrested for making three calls to 911 about removing several orange flags around the city. During his arrest, it was reported that he was on a drug that had a, quote "Heroin-like" effect. Eventually, it was revealed that the orange flags scaring the homeless man turned out to be several leotards of Richard Simmons....so...I guess he had something to be scared of after all....
Well, George Bush's Patriot Act has passed and many are beginning to panic, feeling their phone sex conversations will be monitored by a pervert from the FBI. Lead Democratic Senator Harry Reid, who was against the renewal of the act, said quote "The fight is far from over." When asked to elaborate, he said, quote "Is Harry Reid gonna have to choke a Republican?" (click the link to get the joke if you're not good with politcal history).
A new video shows Lousiana Gov. Blanco assuring Bush administration hours after Katrina hit that the "levees are intact". Blame shifts back to the state, not the federal government (about fucking time). In a related story, singer Ashlee Simpson has claimed that her recent depression is from the fact that the manager at McDonalds did not kiss her foot. Blame shifts back to the McDonalds, not the fact she is a no talent lying bitch.
Actress Pamela Anderson has written to KFC New Zealand complaining about the way chickens are used by the restaurant chain, as part of an international campaign to raise awareness of treatment of poultry. When asked to comment about her decision, Pamela said, quote "The sight of someone eating a breast is apalling." After which, she added, "I know from experience."
In Joliet, Missouri, a preacher will be holding a rally for a new law to be passed in town banning U.S. soldiers who died in Iraq to be buried in the local church cemetary. They previously had a law that homosexuals were to be banned from being buried there as well. Terrific, now Liberals and Conservatives have something to whine about. It's like these people can't make up their damn minds: God does not wish for fags to be buried on his soil, but for someone who served his time in hell, he cannot be buried here as well. That'd be just as bad as making a move on the PGA. Hey, Tiger, come here real quick....I have some bad news...we're no longer allowing blacks in the league anymore. To which he would say, "Great! Where do I sign????"
And finally, in the spirit of Norm MacDonald, a top Al Queda leader has been identified recently. And the name of that Al Queda leader? You guessed it:
Frank Stallone!
I guess it's like Weekend Update. Not every story is going to be funny, some might be serious, and so on.
grey.fox37@gmail.com
I've decided I need to do some humorous one-liners about events during the week, whether it be the news or something in my life. So, let's see what the wonderful twits are supplying me with this week!
Michigan - A teacher and a few students broadcasted the dangers of My Space to students using the internal cable channel of the school. The show sent the message of watching your back due to predators and it should never be used...especially after they had to cut the broadcast due to one of the student's using the teacher's account as an example, showing her in a black corset and containing a list of students on her "naughty list."
Sheboygan - A homeless man was arrested for making three calls to 911 about removing several orange flags around the city. During his arrest, it was reported that he was on a drug that had a, quote "Heroin-like" effect. Eventually, it was revealed that the orange flags scaring the homeless man turned out to be several leotards of Richard Simmons....so...I guess he had something to be scared of after all....
Well, George Bush's Patriot Act has passed and many are beginning to panic, feeling their phone sex conversations will be monitored by a pervert from the FBI. Lead Democratic Senator Harry Reid, who was against the renewal of the act, said quote "The fight is far from over." When asked to elaborate, he said, quote "Is Harry Reid gonna have to choke a Republican?" (click the link to get the joke if you're not good with politcal history).
A new video shows Lousiana Gov. Blanco assuring Bush administration hours after Katrina hit that the "levees are intact". Blame shifts back to the state, not the federal government (about fucking time). In a related story, singer Ashlee Simpson has claimed that her recent depression is from the fact that the manager at McDonalds did not kiss her foot. Blame shifts back to the McDonalds, not the fact she is a no talent lying bitch.
Actress Pamela Anderson has written to KFC New Zealand complaining about the way chickens are used by the restaurant chain, as part of an international campaign to raise awareness of treatment of poultry. When asked to comment about her decision, Pamela said, quote "The sight of someone eating a breast is apalling." After which, she added, "I know from experience."
In Joliet, Missouri, a preacher will be holding a rally for a new law to be passed in town banning U.S. soldiers who died in Iraq to be buried in the local church cemetary. They previously had a law that homosexuals were to be banned from being buried there as well. Terrific, now Liberals and Conservatives have something to whine about. It's like these people can't make up their damn minds: God does not wish for fags to be buried on his soil, but for someone who served his time in hell, he cannot be buried here as well. That'd be just as bad as making a move on the PGA. Hey, Tiger, come here real quick....I have some bad news...we're no longer allowing blacks in the league anymore. To which he would say, "Great! Where do I sign????"
And finally, in the spirit of Norm MacDonald, a top Al Queda leader has been identified recently. And the name of that Al Queda leader? You guessed it:
Frank Stallone!
I guess it's like Weekend Update. Not every story is going to be funny, some might be serious, and so on.
grey.fox37@gmail.com
posted by Grey Fox at 1:08 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home