Weekend Update April 17-21
I'm back after my crazy Oblivion runs to bring you a few things happening this week in the wonderful world of idiots! :D
Good news for New Orleans! Brad Pitt is throwing a contest to rebuild a "Green" New Orleans. Apparently, the idea came to him as he was staring at his 10,000 square feet of Mahogany floors covered in his own green vomit after he found out what his adopted son would look like.
Next door over in Scottsdale, Harry Morton was very confused at several city council members after opening his new mexican restaurant named "The Pink Taco." Harry Morton was further confused when he noticed several leather clad biker men and short-haired beefy women pull up at the store's close....
In Long Island, two owners of a Python released it into the "wild." The long snake then went on an eating frezy gobbling a cat, a duck, and nearly two children before aprehended by the police. The community was very relieved by the python's capture...while the python was disappointed he didn't et the free toy with his Children McMeal....so...when you see him down at the shelter...
Scranton, Pennsylvania met with an amazing case as a ten year old girl, yes, a ten year old girl, was seen tossing bags of crack/cocaine out a window during a drug bust. The mother, thirty years of age, was arrested for drug possession, processing, corruption of a minor, child endangerment, and even embezzlement. The ten year old was reported by police to be very street smart of everything that was going on. The little girl gave a description of the drug shark and police are now looking for this suspect:
Baylor Law Students protested outside of the campus library this week due to the dean throwing a pre-prom party for his son and friends. As unfair as it sounds, it should be known that only half of the library was closed off, while the other half remained open for students. Many parents claimed that the students needed to "grow up." Now, in The Truth's honest opinion, aside from learning the fine art of whining and being ignorant, the first fine tools of being a lawyer, they should have focused on the more important part of being a lawyer: getting flat out hammered with the dean and hitting on girls half their age!
Carnegie Mellon University graduate students Eric Brown and Asi Burak have designed a video game which allows the player to promote peaceful solutions for Israel/Palestinian trade agreements. Unfortunately, the Israels will be disappointed to find out there is no "BOMB THE CRAP OUT OF IRAN" option.
And finally, in London, England, several youngsters were reported by The Pigeon Control Advisory Service (PiCAS) for tossing bird feed into the streets in an attempt to witness the running over of several pigeons and seagulls. The pigeons later got together at the local part and came up with this solution: SHIT ON MORE CARS.
And that's the news for ya! I've just seen the crazy lady promoting soldier's deaths and will have an article soon, so stay tuned!
grey.fox37@gmail.com
Good news for New Orleans! Brad Pitt is throwing a contest to rebuild a "Green" New Orleans. Apparently, the idea came to him as he was staring at his 10,000 square feet of Mahogany floors covered in his own green vomit after he found out what his adopted son would look like.
Next door over in Scottsdale, Harry Morton was very confused at several city council members after opening his new mexican restaurant named "The Pink Taco." Harry Morton was further confused when he noticed several leather clad biker men and short-haired beefy women pull up at the store's close....
In Long Island, two owners of a Python released it into the "wild." The long snake then went on an eating frezy gobbling a cat, a duck, and nearly two children before aprehended by the police. The community was very relieved by the python's capture...while the python was disappointed he didn't et the free toy with his Children McMeal....so...when you see him down at the shelter...
Scranton, Pennsylvania met with an amazing case as a ten year old girl, yes, a ten year old girl, was seen tossing bags of crack/cocaine out a window during a drug bust. The mother, thirty years of age, was arrested for drug possession, processing, corruption of a minor, child endangerment, and even embezzlement. The ten year old was reported by police to be very street smart of everything that was going on. The little girl gave a description of the drug shark and police are now looking for this suspect:
Baylor Law Students protested outside of the campus library this week due to the dean throwing a pre-prom party for his son and friends. As unfair as it sounds, it should be known that only half of the library was closed off, while the other half remained open for students. Many parents claimed that the students needed to "grow up." Now, in The Truth's honest opinion, aside from learning the fine art of whining and being ignorant, the first fine tools of being a lawyer, they should have focused on the more important part of being a lawyer: getting flat out hammered with the dean and hitting on girls half their age!
Carnegie Mellon University graduate students Eric Brown and Asi Burak have designed a video game which allows the player to promote peaceful solutions for Israel/Palestinian trade agreements. Unfortunately, the Israels will be disappointed to find out there is no "BOMB THE CRAP OUT OF IRAN" option.
And finally, in London, England, several youngsters were reported by The Pigeon Control Advisory Service (PiCAS) for tossing bird feed into the streets in an attempt to witness the running over of several pigeons and seagulls. The pigeons later got together at the local part and came up with this solution: SHIT ON MORE CARS.
And that's the news for ya! I've just seen the crazy lady promoting soldier's deaths and will have an article soon, so stay tuned!
grey.fox37@gmail.com
posted by Grey Fox at 11:09 AM
2 Comments:
That cookie monster picture is cute and funny. Your punchlines are pretty clever too :)
Cindy
I laughed so hard at your pidgeon joke! That was a good one.
Alex
Post a Comment
<< Home