How to Play Counter-Strike Like a Man
Ah, Counter-Strike, a game of tact, shooting, and making your team mates feel like dirt because they didn't go according to your plan, so you boot them off your server after making numerous remarks about their mother and their sexual orientation.
Counter-Strike isn't about having fun anymore. It has evolved from a multi-player tactical shooter to a way of life to anti-social nerds who can't even step out in public anymore due to their socially inept attitudes. You do better than the leader score wise, you're booted. You try and be positive when things are down, you're booted. You be sarcastic, you're booted along with being called your alias with the word "cunt" attached to the end of it. This is what playing CS is all about now. You don't come in to have fun, you come in to win and gloat (and even if you're winning, you're considered a cheater).
So, what the hell is a fella to do? Am I to stop playing Counter-Strike on weekends? Should I start taking the games more seriously rather than have fun?
No, instead, I am going to take a stand and be nice to these CS fanatics by making a few guidelines of how to be a true CS player. Keep in mind, these strategies are based off of my observations of how "true" CS players play the game.
Don't camp
Camping is a CS term meaning laying in wait in an area, usually in a crouched position, and shooting anyone who comes by. Anyone guilty of this will be referenced as "fag", "whore", or "you killed me with a fucking n00b cannon, you loser!" even if your gun is the pistol you start out with (A n00b is a term used for people who are new to a place, game, etc, and have no idea what to do. A n00b cannon is a reference to a powerful weapon in the game, or, to a "true" CS player, any camper's gun, no matter what it is). If you have a sniper rifle, you still shouldn't camp. After all, the purpose of the sniper rifle isn't to stand still in one spot and make accurate shots, no, you have to charge at your opponents and fire it like a machine gun (yes, even if it is a bolt action sniper rifle).
Don't buy good guns
Buying guns in this tactical shooter is for pussies to the "true" CS player. Shots from behind is cheating, shots from a distance is cheating, and perfect head shots on opponents will result in you being booted from the server due to the fact that head shots are hacking. If you want to really play CS like a man, drop your primary weapon and go after EVERYONE with the knife, regardless of what n00b cannon they use on you (of course, when they use guns, they aren't n00b cannons, only when you are doing well with them they become n00b cannons).
Never accept you deaths
True CS players will blame their deaths on anything but themselves. After all, it wasn't their crappy strategy that killed them, but the fact that you were shooting at the enemy and they happened to die before you do. Players like this tend to say "bullshit" a lot. Yeah, I tend to say that a lot when 10 P90 rounds enter my head one after another and I die as a result. That is unrealistic because ANYONE in reality can survive 10 shots to the head repeatively from a high-powered weapon.
Display your hatred to the game
True CS players hate CS, but play it for 8 hours a day. When asked why they don't quit, you will always get ignored or a "You wouldn't understand." reply. Oh, I perfectly understand. You're not doing well in a game that is designed to be FUN and you have to drag everyone else down with you just because you feel bad. CS is supposed to revolve around you and you continue to play waiting for a miracle from God himself (or someone to donkey punch you from behind and tell ytou to go outside and get fresh air and exercise).
Names should NEVER have proper grammar
Make up names like bttrthnu or mstrsnprmn. Anyone who forms literate names is a total loser. So, i guess anyone who forms a legitimate and well-structured sentence in the English language is a terrible CS player. Oh me, oh my!
So there you have it. These are the rules of becoming a perfect CS player and will gaurantee you with many victories to come!
Counter-Strike isn't about having fun anymore. It has evolved from a multi-player tactical shooter to a way of life to anti-social nerds who can't even step out in public anymore due to their socially inept attitudes. You do better than the leader score wise, you're booted. You try and be positive when things are down, you're booted. You be sarcastic, you're booted along with being called your alias with the word "cunt" attached to the end of it. This is what playing CS is all about now. You don't come in to have fun, you come in to win and gloat (and even if you're winning, you're considered a cheater).
So, what the hell is a fella to do? Am I to stop playing Counter-Strike on weekends? Should I start taking the games more seriously rather than have fun?
No, instead, I am going to take a stand and be nice to these CS fanatics by making a few guidelines of how to be a true CS player. Keep in mind, these strategies are based off of my observations of how "true" CS players play the game.
Don't camp
Camping is a CS term meaning laying in wait in an area, usually in a crouched position, and shooting anyone who comes by. Anyone guilty of this will be referenced as "fag", "whore", or "you killed me with a fucking n00b cannon, you loser!" even if your gun is the pistol you start out with (A n00b is a term used for people who are new to a place, game, etc, and have no idea what to do. A n00b cannon is a reference to a powerful weapon in the game, or, to a "true" CS player, any camper's gun, no matter what it is). If you have a sniper rifle, you still shouldn't camp. After all, the purpose of the sniper rifle isn't to stand still in one spot and make accurate shots, no, you have to charge at your opponents and fire it like a machine gun (yes, even if it is a bolt action sniper rifle).
Don't buy good guns
Buying guns in this tactical shooter is for pussies to the "true" CS player. Shots from behind is cheating, shots from a distance is cheating, and perfect head shots on opponents will result in you being booted from the server due to the fact that head shots are hacking. If you want to really play CS like a man, drop your primary weapon and go after EVERYONE with the knife, regardless of what n00b cannon they use on you (of course, when they use guns, they aren't n00b cannons, only when you are doing well with them they become n00b cannons).
Never accept you deaths
True CS players will blame their deaths on anything but themselves. After all, it wasn't their crappy strategy that killed them, but the fact that you were shooting at the enemy and they happened to die before you do. Players like this tend to say "bullshit" a lot. Yeah, I tend to say that a lot when 10 P90 rounds enter my head one after another and I die as a result. That is unrealistic because ANYONE in reality can survive 10 shots to the head repeatively from a high-powered weapon.
Display your hatred to the game
True CS players hate CS, but play it for 8 hours a day. When asked why they don't quit, you will always get ignored or a "You wouldn't understand." reply. Oh, I perfectly understand. You're not doing well in a game that is designed to be FUN and you have to drag everyone else down with you just because you feel bad. CS is supposed to revolve around you and you continue to play waiting for a miracle from God himself (or someone to donkey punch you from behind and tell ytou to go outside and get fresh air and exercise).
Names should NEVER have proper grammar
Make up names like bttrthnu or mstrsnprmn. Anyone who forms literate names is a total loser. So, i guess anyone who forms a legitimate and well-structured sentence in the English language is a terrible CS player. Oh me, oh my!
So there you have it. These are the rules of becoming a perfect CS player and will gaurantee you with many victories to come!
posted by Grey Fox at 1:00 PM
1 Comments:
like tumbler and tipsy days hopefully we will remain in high spirits. well, good day
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